Wednesday, July 28, 2004

When B.O.B spells TERROR

misc_rantsIf your name is Bob, or Robert, or hell - even Rob (can't be too careful), watch out next time you're on a plane. You might not know it yet, but your name is DANGEROUS and THREATENING and could be considered a FULL-ON TERRORIST ATTACK.

I know this, because all over the Australian news today is the sad and sorry tale of United Airlines flight 840 to L.A, which was forced to turn back to Sydney after a TERRIFYING BOMB THREAT was found in the plane's first-class toilet.

Imagine the terror that struck the heart of the stewardess when she found the note, scrawled on a sick bag (probably by some shifty al-Q'aida operative masquerading as a life jacket or tray table)...

Imagine the adrenalin that coursed through her veins as she rushed the note to the pilot, all the while keeping her eye out for sticks of red dynamite with wires sticking out of them, or a big red box with TNT written on it...

Imagine the fear that struck the heart of the pilot as he beheld the horrible scratchings that adorned the brown paper bag, once so content to hold nothing but vomit and now MARRED FOREVER by these words of hatred:

BOB


Yes, that's it folks. BOB.

Are we to assume these terrorists can't spell? (IT HAS AN 'M' IN IT, YOU IDIOTS.) Should we perhaps start placing How to Compose a Bomb Threat cards in the seat pockets to avoid confusion?

Well, no, actually. According to the staff of Flight 840, the meaning of BOB was clear - BOMB ON BOARD.

Of course, as we all know, terrorists are fond of the quiet approach - leaving notes to be found and such. In the toilet. In first class. In cryptic acronyms. I can imagine them now...

TERRORIST 1: So, when are we going to.. you know?
TERRORIST 2: Sssh! They haven't found the note yet.
TERRORIST 1: What did you write?
TERRORIST 2: I made it EXTRA threatening - W.O.Y.C.S.W.B.U.T.P
TERRORIST 1: Watch out you capitalist scum, we're blowing up this plane?
TERRORIST 2: Got it in one.


HONESTLY! What is the world coming to when one can hold up a plane by writing an acronym on a sick bag? You don't even NEED a bomb anymore! Hell, you don't even need to bring in your own note paper!

Being that the note was 'left' in the first class toilet, you'd have to think there was a limited number of suspects to choose from: was it the rich guy in the suit? Or the other rich guy in the suit?

Even funnier is the revelation by airline staff around the country who swear that BOB is steward speak for Best on Board, and is a secret accolade given out by staff to the best looking passenger of the flight.

Still, at least we now have a profile of this terrorist - he's wealthy, good looking, and doesn't get air sickness.



4 comments :

  1. TERRORIST 1: So, when are we going to.. you know?
    TERRORIST 2: Sssh! They haven't found the note yet.
    TERRORIST 1: What did you write?
    TERRORIST 2: I made it EXTRA threatening - W.O.Y.C.S.W.B.U.T.P
    TERRORIST 1: Watch out you capitalist scum, we're blowing up this plane?
    TERRORIST 2: Got it in one.
    That is possibly the best thing ever.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Stickman_ben
    Ha ha, top stuff, I'm off to have police checks done all the people I know named Bob, Rob, Robert etc.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Marvellous stuff. Like the pics, love the writing. Plus, blogger finally seems to like me again. Woohoo!

    http://www.thisisnotyourwebsite.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thought behind word on a blog, and entertaining to boot?
    'tis verrily the end of days...

    ReplyDelete