Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Are you fat, jaundiced, have swollen feet and no hands? You too could be an Olympian.

misc_rantsFirstly, this:

Phevos and Athena, the official mascots of Athens 2004

What the HELL is up with these things? Aren't Olympic mascots supposed to be sporty? And Olympic? Aren't they supposed to inspire the kiddies to get active and go for gold?

These two need bedrest, and a good case or two of penicillin:

1. With swollen feet like that (suggesting a nasty case of gout, in my opinion), Phevos and Athena could barely make it to the shop for a litre of milk let alone run a marathon.

2. Their sallow complexions indicate they may have contracted hepatitis, probably from the backed up sewage system in the Olympic Village.

3. Who ate all the dolmades? Aren't we trying to put an END to childhood obesity? Hmm?

4. And how do you throw a javelin with no hands?

Not only this, but Athena seems to have been targetted by two marksmen, possibly terrorist snipers, who are trying to shoot off both her breasts. Welcome to Athens 2004 - the safest Olympics yet!

Then again, Phevos and Athena are obviously troopers, because despite their littany of ailments they smile on regardless. I guess that's true Olympic Spirit.