Monday, August 16, 2004

Softball is for softcocks

Calloo callay, the Olympics are here!! All shall rejoice in hours of sheer bliss, spreadeagled in front of the television, beer in hand, corn chips within reach, and warm, fuzzy slippers on feet....

Oh, what? It's not in Sydney this year?

Well, stuff that then.

Where's it on then? Athens? Pah. If it's not going on in my country, it's not going on my television. And fair enough, too, I say. What sort of criminal-minded psychotic wilfully stays up until 4am to watch the beach volleyball trials?

Ok, I've just seen their outfits. I know exactly who stays up to watch the beach volleyball. (And it can't be forlorn Baywatch fans, because those volleyball girls look like surfboards.) (Without the fins.) (Or the sex wax.)

But I digress from the main point of this article, which is the undeniable fact that softball is shite. You know it's true. But let's run through the evidence:

1. The fact that everything ever written about softball starts off "There is little soft about softball...", and contains various plays on the word 'soft' throughout. (And YES, I DO note the irony here, given the title of my own article)

2. A softball is 30.4 centimetres in circumference. BIG ENOUGH FOR YOU? Sure you can SEE that thing clear enough to hit? Maybe we should paint it ORANGE and put a BELL in it.

3. One of the positions is 'short stop'. Now that's just annoying.

4. It's basically exactly the same sport as baseball, which everyone outside of the United States knows to be utterly crap. Baseball is even MORE arse-numbingly dull than cricket (which everyone knows is the best sport in the world, because you can drink beer and consume an entire picnic with your mates, and still not miss a thing. And THAT'S if you're playing.)

5. In fact, it's actually described as "Another version of baseball, with a bigger ball, and a smaller bat." It's a women's only sport, and they BOWL UNDERARM! If that dosen't all scream SOFTCOCK I don't know what does.

Ah stuff it. I'm off to watch the beach volleyball.

1 comment :

  1. Sorry, this isn't on the softball (which, by the way, i totally agree on the soft cokcs part) but the beach volly ball.
    I too watched that. thought it was typical that the girls were playing in tiny bikini's, so was hoping to have a good perv at the guys - waited until probably 5am just to find that they have HUGE long shorts on (why couldn't the men wear skimpy Speedos?)

    NZ Chick