Monday, September 27, 2004

Love handles? No I bloody don't.

misc_rantschick_stuffHello, evolution? Yes I just have one question:

What the HELL are lovehandles about???

I mean seriously, what is the god damn point? Apart from ruining EVERY single outfit I have, I can't see that they actually DO anything. And as far as I can see, messing up my daily fashion choices has no evolutionary significance whatsoever. Unless perhaps Mother Nature has decreed that I have somehow defective genes, and is putting off potential suitors (read: breeding machines) by making sure an extra blob of fat pops over the waistband of my jeans at the crucial 'pick up' moment, thereby preventing me from ever reproducing.

Why has nature decided that we need a layer of fat to keep our hips warm? Did the ancient cavemen have a problem with cold hips? I usually have more of a problem with cold feet, to be honest - but I guess an extra layer of fat on my feet would make it even harder to buy shoes.

And WHY are they called 'love' handles when most of us hate the bastards? I'd suggest a better name for them would be 'This-top-would-look-so-nice-if-only-that-bump-wasn't-there Handles'.

Still, I guess I'm stuck with them (what - exercise? Are you serious?) so I'm going to try to really LOVE them. So I'm off to wallow in beer and curry, and further aid their development. Left side's looking a little flat.


  1. hmmm...since i've had a fair amount of time to really get to know my 'love' handles, we have grown to really enjoy eachothers company. think of them as a buddy you can always rely on to get you through the hard times. and here are some uses and ideas for that extra bit of love. 1) when riding a motorbike with a passenger, they provide extra gripping. 2) they might bring that classic renaissance look back to women (could be the new retro look) 3) stay of the beer and curry!

    luv always...dan 'gaijin' diaz

  2. Ok, I know you were being sarcastic, but I'm going to answer your question anyway. Love handles are actually there to protect your organs, like your kidneys, intestines, etc. All fat in your body is actually there to protect vital organs. For instance, your heart is surrounded by fat. When you look at a human cadaver and watch them take out the heart, you will see fat surrounding the heart. Most people will think that fat around the heart is bad. Actually it's not because the layer of fat is there for protection. Okay, I can really go off on a tangent here, but I am going to shut up now. Can you tell I'm interested in biology?

    Have you tested your bodyfat? I'll be your actually not fat at all. Along with most women who claim to be so obese when they are not. =) If you're under 25%, you're fine.

    By the way...nice blog.

  3. Standard response I believe is that they are "something to hold on to". Maybe if you are throwing someone, anyway. Still, love handles are better than bingowings.


  4. Love Handles.
    The results of too much christmas food, plus left-over christmas food, and those chocolate things your grandmother made, (And she may have added a touch too much cooking brandy...)
    And maybe that meal the following night (made up from all the leftover leftover food from the day after christmas) didnt help either.
    Gulp. I think I am gonna explode...