Sunday, December 12, 2004

YOU and your NOVELTY RINGTONE both SUCK

adver_tisingmisc_rantsbitch_eryWhat is with people and their mobile phones? I know they're useful, I know they're expensive and cool, and I know yours is exceptionally pretty and you'd be lost without it. But if you are one of that strange sub-race of beings that pay to accesorise their phone with shit, BACK THE FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

In particular, if you are the person in my office who used to have an Eminem ringtone, and now has the Mission Impossible theme, TURN THE VOLUME DOWN OR SHOVE THAT GOD DAMN PHONE UP YOUR ARSE BEFORE I DO. Everyone knows the Mission Impossible theme is SO 3 years ago.

There seems to be a spate of advertisements now selling ringtones, 'wallpapers' and crazy shit for your mobile phone, usually at very reasonable prices like $6.95 per ringtone.

A sane person would say "My phone already has 50,000 annoying ringtones on it,
I don't need to pay for another one." Or perhaps they'd say "$6.95 is a bit steep for a noise." They'd probably also say "That sequence of beeps sounds nothing like U2. In fact, it sounds like utter shite."

But apparently there IS a market for this shit, as these ads show no sign of stopping.

There is one advert in particular which keeps cropping up on tv about, oh, EVERY 5 MINUTES, for some stupid company called Jamster. If I ever meet an employee of Jamster, or their CEO (probably some 15 year old pimply kid living in his parents' garage) I am liable to do something drastic involving chilli powder, piano wire and a sim card.

The most offensive ad is for a series of ringtones titled "The Crazy Frog". Woah man, this frog is KER-AY-ZEE! He wears a little helmet and goggles, and he's just, oh man, he's so crazy it's like...WOW is this frog ever crazy.

And THIS is the worst ringtone I have ever heard in my life.


What the FUCK is that? Can you POSSIBLY IMAGINE a worse mobile ringtone than that? Picture it: 3am on Saturday, you've decided to stay in and catch up on some sleep when your crazy coked-out friends decide to call you and find out where you are, and you're woken from your sleep by "BOM-BA-DA-BOM BOM BOM BRRRRAAAAAA-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

AND YOU'VE PAID FOR THE PRIVILEGE!

I mean seriously, what the fuck?!

NB: during the course of writing this entry, the Crazy Frog ad came on 4 times.

EDIT (December 23, 2004): It seems that several comment posters here at Bland Canyon are correct! This horrid sample does seem to come from this website. I shall email them and report back with any interesting information. If I can stop the spread of this horrible sound around the world, then I've done something for humanity.



5 comments :

  1. They're actually selling that ringtone? The bastards stole it from a webpage called "Insanity Test", which is actually quite funny. Turds.

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  2. Hehe,I know exactly what you mean. That ad irritates the piss out of me too. I back you in your quest once again.

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  3. Here on the other end of the globe we have the exact same fucking commercials from a company called "Jamba". They annoy the living crap out of me. Judging by the companies' names these idiots are operating on an international level. Bah!
    I too believe they were stolen. Not just the tones but the animations too.

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  4. ... and I thought that pop tunes were wrist-slash inducing...

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  5. Wonderful page! Enjoyed it very much. I come from the land of ringtone graphic so I know what I'm talking about!ringtone graphic

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