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Monday, September 27, 2004

Love handles? No I bloody don't.

misc_rantschick_stuffHello, evolution? Yes I just have one question:

What the HELL are lovehandles about???


I mean seriously, what is the god damn point? Apart from ruining EVERY single outfit I have, I can't see that they actually DO anything. And as far as I can see, messing up my daily fashion choices has no evolutionary significance whatsoever. Unless perhaps Mother Nature has decreed that I have somehow defective genes, and is putting off potential suitors (read: breeding machines) by making sure an extra blob of fat pops over the waistband of my jeans at the crucial 'pick up' moment, thereby preventing me from ever reproducing.

Why has nature decided that we need a layer of fat to keep our hips warm? Did the ancient cavemen have a problem with cold hips? I usually have more of a problem with cold feet, to be honest - but I guess an extra layer of fat on my feet would make it even harder to buy shoes.

And WHY are they called 'love' handles when most of us hate the bastards? I'd suggest a better name for them would be 'This-top-would-look-so-nice-if-only-that-bump-wasn't-there Handles'.

Still, I guess I'm stuck with them (what - exercise? Are you serious?) so I'm going to try to really LOVE them. So I'm off to wallow in beer and curry, and further aid their development. Left side's looking a little flat.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

A LOCAL ROAD, FOR LOCAL PEOPLE!

misc_rantsDriving through my neighbourhood today I noticed a newly-erected sign on a street near my house. I have seen these sorts of signs before, but I've always been puzzled as to their meaning.

It's not a usual "50km/hr" sign, or a "GIVE WAY" or even a simple "SLOW". No, it's one of these:


sign of confusion


What exactly does this mean? Are you only allowed to drive down the street if you live ON that street? Or somewhere in the general area? If so, who's checking?

Perhaps local means you have to be a resident of South Australia. In which case, all tourists and foreigners probably require a visa to be stamped at the corner shop before they can drive through.

And does it only apply to cars? I mean, are non-locals allowed to WALK down the street?

WHAT DOES THIS SIGN MEAN??? Comments are appreciated.