Monday, January 10, 2005

Got expensive taste? Maths can help.

We've all been there: dirt poor, credit cards being rejected, not enough pennies to scrape together for a loaf of bread (forgive me for getting all Dickensian but you know what I mean)...

And yet...there they are in the shop window (and later, wrapped around your arse in the changing room)...the PERFECT JEANS. And they're only $200. GAH! What's a girl to do?

Well, good news: there is help. And it comes in the form of maths.

Pardon me?

You heard me. Maths. I recently had to enlighten a poor, struggling friend on the PetStarr "cost per wear" rule (patent pending) and now, in the spirit of goodwill, I offer it to you, the internet. (And you, the reader.)

The purchase of expensive clothes can be justified using the "cost per wear" mathematic equation, thusly: Calculate the number of times you are likely to wear the item, then divide the cost of the item by this number.

For example - if the jeans are $200, and you calculate you'll probably wear them 200 days of the year, it works out to $1 per wear. Pretty reasonable.

These jeans rightly have a cost per wear of 2.5c

But it works both ways: a pair of leather pants for $300 you might only wear 10 times, with a cost pear wear of $30. Not great.

Therefore: jeans = justified.

The second rule to remember when considering the purchase of expensive clothing is that there are certain items of clothing that cannot be skimped on in price, because they are the HOLY GRAILS of shopping and CANNOT BE IGNORED. These are:

1) jeans
2) bathers (obviously this one is aimed mainly at chicks)
3) white collared shirts
4) fitted jackets

The rule is that when and if you find any of these items that fit you and make you look great, you MUST PURCHASE THEM - NO MATTER THE PRICE.

And there you have it. I hope I helped some of the penniless.

Let them eat jeans!

I mean wear cake!


  1. Nice idea, and I like the concept, apart from the fact that shopping in general makes my head hurt, let alone having to process numbers.

    Mind you my head probably hurts more from the plethora of teenagers who walk around with American speech impediments...

    but that's just me...