Tuesday, August 30, 2005

How sexy advertisers get their Jols

adver_tisingWhere is the First Year Marketing textbook that says 'sex sells'? Because I'd like to get every copy of it, put it on a great big bonfire, and dance around it. Naked. No, not naked, dammit! Fully clothed, in a wholesome way.

Is anyone else sick of lazy advertising wherein a product is marketed by thrusting (pardon the pun) a sexuality onto it that it didn't previously possess?

Take yoghurt, for example. If it's not low fat or organic, it seems advertisers run out of things to say. Clearly "It comes from cows and it tastes like fruit" didn't cut it in the board meeting, so some bright spark said "Let's just picture a woman eating it, and pretend she's having an orgasm."

They obviously just sampled the latest Fruche flavour.

What RIDICULOUS idea is this? Firstly - it's YOGHURT for god's sake. It's not even chocolate. Sorry, but yoghurt just ISN'T sexy. Especially when you pronounce it 'yoggurt'. Shudder.

Secondly - has anyone EVER eaten a yoghurt and made that face that all women make in yoghurt ads? You know the one - closed eyes, hunched shoulders and a dreamy, smiley face. I don't know what they're putting in THEIR goddamn yoghurt (ecstasy?) or who's doing WHAT to them out of shot, but that certainly doesn't happen to me when I eat yoghurt. Unless it's that stuff from that shop in the Central Market, in which case I like to eat it alone, in a darkened room, with Marvin Gaye on the stereo.


It's not just yoghurt that gets the treatment. It's any old crap that advertising agencies clearly can't be bothered thinking up new, RELEVANT campaigns for.
Jols sweets are another one. It's a fucking LOLLY. It's a hard little sugary pellet that tastes vaguely like fruit. You would think such a product would hardly be orgasm-inducing. But there's the advert again, from Chapter One of Obvious Marketing Ploys Vol. 1 - one woman begging another for a Jols because it's "making her look like she's with the most luscious guy on the planet". Excuse me, but WHERE HAS SHE STUCK THIS PELLET AND WHAT IS IT DOING TO HER? Perhaps some Jila-like experimentation is in order.

Another question worth raising is: why is it always women? Why don't we ever see any men moaning and groaning over their Four 'n Twenty or Pale Ale? (As a side note, it's interesting that men are always complaining that women require too much foreplay, take too long, are too much hard work blah blah blah. Clearly they should just give them a Yoplait - women in their adverts are orgasming all over the place on only a teaspoon of Forest Fruits.)

I've seen advertisers pull this kind of crap on almost everything: chewing gum, breath mints, dental floss, toilet paper... Ok, so I made the last two up, but I wouldn't put it past them.

Chocolate, ice cream, Baileys - sure, I can understand the need to involve a bit of slap and tickle in the marketing of those. They're pretty sexy products. Especially if you use them all at the same time in a darkened room with Marvin Gaye on the stereo.


  1. i've always wondered if women shampoo their hair and wash their body as portrayed in advertisements. i'd like to imagine they do.

  2. why reject the only evidence we have?

  3. I think actually, the picture in this entry, PetStarr, disturbs me much more than the McDonald's ad. I don't even know what's going on in the rest of the frame and where you might have gotten it from!!

  4. Ohhh you don't even WANT to know, gossy.... It was from a particularly lascivious yoghurt website.

  5. sell textbook are so expensive. I agree, We have been looking for sell textbook all night for a new sell textbook class but havent been able to track down used sell textbook that I can afford. Anyway, I enjoyed looking at you sell textbook blog...