RuPaul's Drag Race season 9 recaps

The shadiest Drag Race recaps on the web. Get ready to death drop, queens!

The Bachelorette Australia recaps

One woman, 14 desperate men, mucho LOLs. Oh, and Osher Gunsberg.

The Bachelor Australia recaps

Sequins, spray tans and sex - it's season 3 of the world's stupidest dating show.

RuPaul's Drag Race Season 8 recaps

YASS, HUNTIES! Every episode of season eight recapped for your reading pleasure. Let's get sickening!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

The 90s are back - AS IF!

misc_rantschick_stuffOh my god, I'm like, totally freaking out - I think 90s fashion is coming back in.

I know, I know, we ALL said it wouldn't happen. But look what happened with the 80s. Whoever thought they'd see a metrosexual with a mullet? Case closed.


If we ever go back to this, I request to be euthanased.

The fashion creep has definitely started. Already I've seen the following items appearing in shops:
  • Alice bands
  • Pastel coloured jeans
  • Tight black jeans
  • Babydoll dresses
  • Opaque black stockings
But so far the strongest indicator that the 90s are clawing their way back from fashion hell appeared yesterday in Sportsgirl, where I saw this:


DEAR GOD NO, NOT THE VEST, ANYTHING BUT THE VEST!

Alright I admit, she looks kind of hot. However I CATEGORICALLY REFUSE to ever wear a vest again. I went through a big vest phase when I was about 13. Op shop vests over t shirts with pastel jeans, along with an extremely dodgy shorn-off haircut (yes, with an undercut), are directly responsible for me being confused for a pre-teen boy/lesbian/pre-teen lesbian for most of my early adolescence.

Apart from all 90s fashion being pretty much appalling and unsalvageable (I'd like to see them try to make Tencel cool again) the worst part of all of this is that the kids wearing this crap will be the ones born in 1992 who think grunge is what you clean out of the kitchen sink and Nirvana is a transcendental state of bliss and harmony with creation. Tch. Clueless.

So everyone, we can choose to stay inside, lock the doors and not come out until the next fad cycle begins (in which case we may end up emerging in the middle of 'millenium' fashions and have to go back to the 80s) or we can lead the revolution and overthrow this mindless fashion regime by burning down Sportsgirls and spitting on people in Hypercolour or flannelette shirts.

Actually, best not to spit on people wearing flannelette shirts. They might not appreciate your fashion critique.

But if they're wearing a vest, go for it.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Do you blog? Are you from the north of Adelaide?

This is a temporary request post that will be taken down once I get enough replies (if I get any replies!)

If you are a regular blogger (on any subject) from the following areas, I'd like to hear from you:

Modbury, Highbury, Hopevalley, Gilles Plains, Valley View, Para Vista, Ingle Farm, Pooraka, Mawson Lakes, Parafield, Salisbury, Elizabeth, Davoren Park, Craigmore, Greenwith, Golden Grove, Surrey Downs, Fairview Park, Banksia Park, Tea Tree Gully, St Agnes, Ridgehaven...and basically anywhere nearby in the north of Adelaide.

If you're interested in getting some possible media attention, please get in touch by leaving your blog details in a comment, or by emailing me at petstarr AT iinet.net.au

I'll let you know what the deal is, and we can take it from there.

Please, no one from other areas - this is for northeners only! Rock on.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

And today, I'm sick of...

tv_mediaOk let's cut straight to the chase: here is a list of stories I never want to see on A Current Affair or Today Tonight ever again.

1. Stories about weight. People gaining weight, people losing weight, anorexic women, obese kids, grannies going to the gym...fuck off, all of you.

2. A new learning/breathing/speaking/eating technique that helps stutterers to speak normally. Clearly all of them are actually crap, because this story seems to air once every 6 months, and it's always a new technique.

3. A new learning/breathing/speaking/eating technique that helps slow kiddies to read. Listen parents: you can colour code vowels and "break words into two" all you bloody like, but if you call your kid Kyeliee or Jaiydenn, spelling is always going to elude them.

4. Stories about labels on food. Hey, you mean that big green tick on the front of the cereal box ISN'T from the Heart Foundation? And you say these marshmallows are 97% fat free, but contain lots of sugar? THANK YOU, BUT WE ARE NOT ALL RETARDED. Stop telling us this common sense information.

5. Stories about home brand products versus name brand products. You mean name brand rice is the same as home brand? We can save 60 cents? WHO GIVES A TOSS? And stop trying to convince us that home brand ice cream is anywhere near Streets Blue Ribbon. It's never going to win, ever. This category also includes stories comparing laundry powders, batteries and running shoes.

6. Stories about internet scams and hoaxes. Excuse me, but are we supposed to feel sorry for Mr and Mrs Plonker of Nowhere who are crying over their keyboards because they gave their bank account details to Mr Nahasa Puumo of Nigeria? "He emailed us directly and told us his father, the king, had been assasinated...We had no reason to suspect it was a hoax." I have no sympathy for these absolute nobheads who give all their details and money to people selling betting software or other such nonsense - "He said I'd be earning millions of dollars an hour - of course I believed him." Fuck off, you've learned the hard way. Some people were never supposed to be let loose on the web, and you're clearly one of them.

7. Stories about neighbours from hell. Giving more air time to more scrubbers who yell obscenities at each other over fences and throw dog crap at each other's houses. You always have one neighbour who the viewer is supposed to sympathise with, but if you ask me they're all fucking nutty. Especially the one I saw last week who had set up 5 video cameras to catch her mental neighbour on camera, and then sat down over dinner every night to watch the entire day's footage. Riiight, your NEIGHBOUR'S the crazy one...

8. Stories about tenants from hell. Actually, that's a lie, I quite like watching these stories. It's fascinating to see how drastic people will let a place get before even THEY decide it's too revolting to live in, and bugger off elsewhere.

Comments and list additions are, as always, more than welcome.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Maccers release inner child - viewers release lunch

adver_tisingtv_mediaContinuing with my series of rants about dodgy advertising (on sexy advertising, Jilas, Subway...) I would now like to turn your attention to the new Maccers campaign.

I'm talking about the one where people's stomachs open up and little children pop out.

Sounds appetising, doesn't it?


A Maccers advert or the new Aphex Twin video?

WHOSE DEMENTED IDEA WAS THIS?? Ok, we get the SUBTLE MESSAGE - come to Maccers, eat a cheeseburger and release your inner child. Great, fine, got it. WE DON'T NEED IT GRAPHICALLY ILLUSTRATED ON OUR TV SCREENS 100 MILLION TIMES DURING AUSTRALIAN IDOL!


ARGH! THE FEAR!

This advert disturbs me beyond measure.

Not only do we have to watch creepy kids crawling out of trapdoors in unsuspecting people's stomachs, it's all accompanied by a bizarre sing-songy music background that is now, for me, only slightly less creepy than the theme song from Deliverance.

"Ohhh meee...ohhh myyyyy....spy my lit-tle eyyye...my oh me ohhhh myyy...."

ARGHH!!! You can imagine an axe murderer in some teen slasher movie singing it as he stalks his pretty blonde prey down to the basement...


"Hurry up and get out of there, I'm cranking for a Happy Meal and I have to be back inside my host body in 20 minutes."

Speaking of host bodies - could this perhaps be some sort of subversive Scientology propaganda? Are these "inner children" actually operating Thetans with a case of the munchies? Is Ronald McDonald really L Ronald Hubbard?

As disturbing as this ad is, at least it's got high production values - which is more than anyone can say for the other Maccers ads currently doing the rounds with that annoying blonde girl from that failed soapie no one remembers doing over-excited vox pops with sandwiches.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY ONE OF THESE ROLLS? WHADDYA THINK? WHERE D'YA THINK IT'S FROM?!!???" she shrieks at anyone who will listen.

Various idiotic munchers reply with things like "Geee...Subwayyy? A deli...is it from a deliiii?" before she reveals the HUGE surprise that actually, that weird red and yellow clown standing over there in the phone box made it.

Just once, I would like someone to say "A clown made these rolls? Really? A clown? What deli is he from?" to make the point that Ronald isn't as well known as he bloody thinks he is. You hardly hear of Ronald anymore anyway - which is probably why he's now seemingly forced to peddle sandwiches in local malls.

Speaking of which, I wish Maccers and Jackers and all those other fat-filled havens would stop pretending they offer healthy food ("Wow, this salad has less than 10 grams of fat!" SO IT FUCKING SHOULD, IT'S A GOD DAMN SALAD! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH 10 GRAMS IS??) and just go back to doing what they do best - selling us the artery clogging goodness we all know and love.

And if they could manage to put out an advert that doesn't either annoy or revolt us, that'd be good too.