Friday, January 27, 2006

More strange attractions

Following on from my previous post about unconventional men I would be happy to shag, I bring you 'Strange Attractions Part II'.

1. Joaquin Phoenix

Even with a harelip and a funny name, Joaquin joaqs my world.

Normally I wouldn't have thought darling Joaquin would qualify as 'unconventional', but after mentioning his name followed by "is so hot" and being met with strange looks, I have realised that clearly I am in a minority of worshippers. From the first time I saw him in a poncy toga and laurels in Gladiator, I have nursed a small crush which has only gotten worse now that he's starring as Johnny Cash in Walk the Line. Gosh darn. I'd fight lions for him ANY time.

Point of interest: my friend Ben looks startlingly like him:

...but possibly not here.

2. Courtney Taylor-Taylor of The Dandy Warhols

The man so cool they named him twice.

He's got a face that looks like it's been kicked in by a Dunlop Volley, he's skinny (and judging by this photo - quite hairy), but when he sings about heroin addicts it's all I can do to stop myself from licking the stereo. One of the most disappointing moments in my short career as a waitress was when the Dandys went to my restaurant for dinner on my night off, and no one knew who they were. Possibly a good thing, as had I been there I might have embarrassed the establishment by trying to grab Courtney's bum (not to mention run them out of business by giving the band free drinks all night).

3. Jack White of The White Stripes

A seven nation army couldn't hold me back...

Yes I admit, he does look rather like Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka, but at the moment I am nursing a rather unhealthy obssession with all things White Stripes, and Jack is the focal point. From what I've heard he's quite tall, which is always a good thing, but I guess for some this doesn't outweigh the fact that he a bit of a weirdo. Lucky I'm a weirdo too. I love the pale, sickly skin, the limp black hair, the weird little moustache and the whole crazy Spanish thing he's got going on. Not to mention his bizarre yelping voice. Fell in love with a boy, and yea, 'tis Jack White.

4. Wes Borland of Limp Bizkit

Um, yeah...

The only interesting part of Limp Bizkit (when he was actually IN Limp Bizkit) Wes is recognised as one of the best guitarists in the world. And he wears weird contact lenses that make his eyes black. And quite often, freaky makeup and masks. Quite clearly I am obssessed with pale men with creepy black hair and eyes (see Jack White above). Perhaps I should move to Japan, I've heard there's a lot of guys like that there.

5. Chris Martin of Coldplay

I married WHO?!

For a change - someone who's not pale, dark and skinny. Ok, so he's pale, blonde and skinny - what are you doing, keeping tabs or something? Words can't describe how appealing I find this man. I guess that's how THAT BITCH GWYNETH felt when she married him. Sigh. Still, at least she'll give him lots of material for more slit-your-wrists songs - if he's feeling happy and well-adjusted all he has to do is sit through her atrocious English accent in Sliding Doors and the misery will return.

Honourable Mentions

Jake Gyllenhaal, who I got a crush on in Donny Darko back when he used to be unconventional and weird but is now mainstream and officially "hot" and therefore can't be included in the list proper.

Oh. My. God.

Joseph Fiennes, who lived in the shadow of his less appealing brother, Ralph, until he rocked up in Elizabeth and then wore THAT JACKET in Shakespeare in Love. Still possibly qualifies as an unconventional pick, but...DAMN!

In love with Shakespeare.

After a reminder from a friend, I have decided to include Adrien Brody in this list. Dark hair, pale skin, skinny - yep, he meets all the criteria. Unfortunately lots of people think he's hot now, so he has to be an honourable mention, but do we mind? Woof!



  1. oh my...that's bendahooter

  2. Oh my... fabulous selection. Im very impressed... and trying to not lick my monitor.

    I saw a sensational pic of Jack White on www.smokinggun. i think. Believe it or not, it was his mug shot after he assaulted a fellow rocker in Detroit.

    Drool worthy, for sure.

  3. All pretty good picks, if you ask me. Although I'm surprised ol' Mr. Depp never made it. Jesus, you picked a scary picture of me. Kind of startled me, seeing that maniacal expression all of a sudden.... Thanks for the compliment, by the way. Oh, and update that link to .... xx

  4. I bumped into Jack White at Sydney Airport on Friday. He was browsing CDs at Sanity music in the departure lounge. I dashed inside and picked up the CD - he looked exactly like the man on the cover, probably wearing precisely the same outfit too - black flat hat, black suit, white crocodile shoes, white pimpstick.

    (Who boards a plane like that? I mean, he would have had to put his pimpstick through the X-ray and everything!)

    But underneath it all, he is an ordinary bloke. He had stubble, he looked like he would enjoy a beer, he looked quite Australian in fact.

    And Mary... wow, what a hottie in her little mini and singlet. Too bad they're both married.

  5. Abso-ma-lutely, Mss Smack!!! My obssession with Mr White has now reached such heights that I even find him attractive in THIS photo.

    And yes, he's the one on the left.

  6. Also, zzymurgy, I think you mean Meg, not Mary. :)

    But it's a fairly pro White Stripes post so I'll let you go this time.