Thursday, May 11, 2006

Hello Goodbye... no, let's just leave it at 'goodbye'.

Up until tonight, I thought Big Brother was the lowest point in Australian television programming (with lowly commended awards going to Hey, Dad!, Skit House and Thank God You're Here).

That was until tonight.

Tonight, I witnessed what could possibly be the final nail in the coffin of locally made TV. Hello, Goodbye.

How long will it be before we say "Goodbye" to this piece of crap? Not long, is my guess.

If you were lucky enough to miss it: the show is basically a loosely assembled half hour of badly done interviews with people saying "hello" or "goodbye" to loved ones at Sydney international airport, set to songs by Natalie Imbruglia and Bic Runga. I'm sure Coldplay would have made it in if the producers could afford the rights, but it's pretty obvious the producers couldn't really afford ANYTHING to put this show together. It looks like it's been filmed on a Betamax, sound recorded on someone's Ipod and then dubbed together at the local TAFE.

It's "hosted" (which luckily is a very broad term) by Rebecca Harris. Who? Yeah I didn't know her either - I think she was on the Foxtel 'How To' channel or something equally as prestigious.

Rebecca interviews people like a high school student who is half way through a journalism "elective" in semester two.

REBECCA: So, tell me who you're waiting for.
WOMAN: My son.
REBECCA: Your son! Goodness! Where is he coming from?
WOMAN: Argentina.
REBECCA: Argentina!
WOMAN: Yes.
REBECCA: Ohhhhhh. Are YOU from Argentina?
(woman nods)
REBECCA: Ahhhhhhh! Lovely!
(Natalie Imbruglia music plays, followed by two minutes of some random, unnamed, Argentinian woman kissing her random, unnamed, Argentinian son...)

Rebecca has obviously been briefed to wring as much emotion as possible out of her subjects, which she does by constantly asking "So, how are you FEELING?", perhaps in the hopes that they'll break into a teary, emotion-charged soliloquy that will save her from having to ask any further questions.

REBECCA:So, who are you waiting for?
MAN: My mum and sister.
REBECCA: Oooh how EXCITING!
MAN: Yeah.
REBECCA: Tell me how you're FEELING?

To be honest, it wouldn't make a shit of difference HOW he's feeling, Rebecca, because you're both standing in a crowded arrivals hall next to a baggage carousel and all you can hear is "Mumble mumble mumble THE NEXT FLIGHT FROM SAN FRANCISCO WILL BE ARRIVING IN TEN MINUTES mumble mumble MUM WHERE'S MY BAG GONE? mumble mumble mumble HOW ARE YOU FEELING?"

HELLO CHANNEL NINE - HEARD OF A BOOM MIC? I hear it's REALLY good at picking up what people are saying. Just a thought.

It's not like an interview show, it's like you've accidentally overheard two strangers politely chatting: "Oh you're waiting for your mum? Wow. I bet you'll be happy to see her." "Yeah I will." "Oh, lovely." FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

And in between all of this scintillating conversation are extended shots of people in "air travel" outfits pushing trolleys around and looking pissed off.

EXCUSE ME WHILE I NEVER WATCH THIS CRAP AGAIN.



3 comments :

  1. I thought it sounded like the show had potential.

    Those airport shows always seem to have that carcrash appeal of you-don't-want-to-look-but-you-can't-look-away.

    Oh well, there's always the attraction of the human zoo that is Big Brother Up Late.

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  2. It really is a crappy show, but I still don't think it's as bad as Big Brother, the worst show on TV, for how many years now? Ugh.

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  3. PS, I like your blog, you are linked

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