Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The Tiida is turning (my stomach)

adver_tisingIt's taken me a while to get around to posting something on the ads for the new Nissan Tiida, the car that makes you come, seeing as the campaign was released on February 1. But I was leafing through an old WHO mag the other day and I saw a print ad for this snazzy little car featuring Kim Cattrall (otherwise known as that slapper from Sex and the City that everyone pretends to love because she's EMPOWERED) and it moved me to write something here in the BC.

For those who haven't seen the print ad, it looks something like this:

Which of course prompted me to yell: HASN'T EVERYBODY? I mean really, if you haven't seen Kim Cattrall's pink bits by now, you're in the minority.

But apparently she's not talking about her muff, she's referring to her new car, the Nissan Tiida, which is bluer, shinier, and (arguably) a bit bigger.

Kim Cattrall sits on her big, fat Tiida

The print ad follows a similar line to the TV spots which, to be honest, border on soft porn. In fact if you slowed them down and put some cheesy music in the background I reckon they actually WOULD pass for porn in a cheap motel.

The first one sees a breathless Kim Cattrall inside a car dealer (note that I am resisting the urge to make any jokes about the car dealer being in Kim Cattrall) banging on about her Tiida (again, resisting) in the most explicit terms she can muster.

"Ah! That was amazing, absolutely fabulous!" she coos.

"I mean the great body and the way you moved it - why didn’t you tell me it was so big? I just wasn’t prepared for it. You know what? I think I’m ready to go again. Coming?"

Did you get the subtle innuendo there, dear reader? Or are you still bleeding from where they beat you about the head with it?

Another ad sees Cattrall simulating an orgasm as she drives her Tiida over a speed hump, and one more has her gasping down the phone to her friend about the "ride of her life".

But perhaps the most objectionable is the latest commercial, which doesn't actually even feature Cattrall (so clearly Nissan ran out of money). A Tiida pulls up to the kerb and four men step out, looking a bit dazed, when a woman's hand picks up a tie off the front seat, chucks it out the window at them, and speeds away.

Did you get that, gentle reader? No? Well, I think we're supposed to think that SHE FUCKED ALL FOUR MEN IN THE BACK OF HER TIIDA. Get it now? See how clever that idea is?

Seriously, just WHO do Nissan think they're marketing to with this one? I don't care how sexually liberated a woman feels, when girls are playing the "Which Sex and the City character are you?" game, NO ONE wants to be Samantha. Sure she's funny, but she's an old, sex-mad slapper. And why would anyone want to buy a car that essentially says "I am an old, sex-mad slapper"?

According to the marvellous Duncan's TV blog, the agency's marketing plan identifies the focus target as "a 30 something person (female skew) who leads a life balanced between settling into their career and an active and enjoyable social calendar - most likely in an established relationship but without children."

"Active and enjoyable social calendar", that'd account for those four blokes in the backseat then.

"Most likely in an established relationship" - really? So we're not actually supposed to BE an old, sex-mad slapper, we're supposed to FANTASISE about being one.

And without children? Be prepared for THAT to change if you get into a Tiida (as men have no doubt said for centuries). Seems you can't even drive one to the shops without needing to change your undies.

I guess I'll file this posting next to my Crap Ad Countdown and alongside my Jila commercial critique and my rant about sex in advertising...


  1. I must admit that I used to fancy Kim Cattral quite a bit, but that was back in the 80's when she was still ditsy cute. Oh well...

    Unless I've missed it somewhere else in this blog, I think it's worth mentioning the new tampon ad where the guy doesn't want to buy the small, discreet ones because people might think he doesn't give his woman a need for the bigger size...

  2. Oooh I have to admit I rather LIKE that ad... Maybe that guy's girlfriend has a Tiida too?

  3. Great write-up! That ad provokes my violent tendancies. Even the name...why replace the Pulsar with something called Tiida?

  4. Yet I am very happy with the knowledge that the Tiida is tanking in sales, which has caused them to rethink their marketing strategy.

    Unfortunately it's going to make Nissan focus on "Pulsar replacement" rather than fucking off Cattrall...

  5. Great post, of course, but would you happen to know if there's some kind of Tiida owners' club that holds meetings I...I mean, my friend, might like to loiter outside of?

  6. Agree. Catrall is so five minutes ago and the ads are cringeworthy at best.

  7. Kim Cattral was in the original Police Academy movie, I think!