As previously mentioned, I find supermarkets to be an endless source of mirth. In fact, I can barely wander through one without bursting into laughter at something (usually SPAM related) and embarrassing whoever I happen to be with at the time.
I find odd food products (particularly canned meat and variants thereof) endlessly amusing, and have often been tempted to buy Camp Pie just because of its funny name. I actually have a friend who is similarly afflicted and has an entire collection of funny canned foods proudly displayed on top of her microwave - including tinned Barbie spaghetti and some strange canned concoction involving sausages.
And with that I welcome you to the first of a new section here at the BC, Indcredible Inedibles, in which I blatantly rip off a similar section on one of my favourite blogs ever - The Sneeze's "Steve Don't Eat It".
What this means is that periodically I'll be buying strange food items that take my fancy and reviewing them for your reading pleasure. FINALLY - an excuse to buy that potted sausage with pineapple I've been eyeing off.
Today I'm kicking it off with the delightfully named HAW FLAKES, which I found last night at the Chinese supermarket.
I hope these have nothing to do with leprotic prostitutes.
OK, so there's a million much more strange food items to be found in a Chinese supermarket, but screw you, I'm not putting my health on the line for this shit. And they're called HAW FLAKES! It had to be done.
For the princely sum of 65 cents (I know - I already checked my watch to see if it's 1975 - it isn't) I scored 10 rolls of Haw Flakes in the one packet. TEN! Imagine what Chinese Whispers would do to news like that: PetStarr's got 10 packs of Haw Flakes at her place, pass it on - PetStarr's got 10 packs of whores at her place, pass it on - PetStarr has 10 fat whores on her face, pissing on. This was going to be great.
They looked suspiciously like fireworks, but they were in the sweet aisle, so what the hell were they? Let's check the ingredients:
Great. So Haw Flakes have haw in them. Excellent. Although the two serving suggestions - in front of the TV or in the park - were rather helpful. I chose the TV option, and excitedly ripped open a roll to find...
A bunch of hard discs the colour of offal. Oh christ, offal. I mean, I know the Chinese eat some weird shit, but surely NO ONE would mix cow arseholes and pig lips with sugar and call it a sweetie? SURELY?
As it turns out, I was right (in this instance, at least) - the "Flakes" taste fruity, like some sort of dried berry. More accurately, they taste rather like those cheap no name fruit bars you buy in bulk at the supermarket for kids' lunchboxes, or those dodgy pretend versions of Uncle Toby's fruit RollUps that kids get bashed up for having ("HA HA, THAT'S not a proper RollUp! Your mum's poor!" *THUMP!*)
So it seems "haw" is some sort of fruit. At least I hope it is - perhaps the Chinese have perfected a way to disguise the taste of pig lip and arsehole.