Friday, October 13, 2006

Incredible Inedibles: Weird Japanese Buns

Despite almost permanently sacrificing my tastebuds last week investigating Haw Flakes - an evil, pretend "lolly" I found at the Chinese supermarket - I have decided to persist with my crazy food reviews for your reading pleasure.

Earlier this week I found myself once again in a Chinese supermarket (a different one, but inexplicably with EXACTLY the same layout - perhaps I have found some sort of Asian grocery tardis?) and as if by some magical, invisible cord of bad taste, was drawn to grab this product from the freezer:


FLOZEN BUN-IRUUUU!


Let's face it, who WOULDN'T buy this product? Well my sidekick Raoul, for one. He thought they looked like crap. I thought they looked ADORABLE - look at those happy little steaming, smiling buns! Sure the bigger one looks like he suffers from some degenerative blindness, which he has passed to the smaller one who is possibly his semi-retarded, partially blind carer, but anything that happy has to taste good, right?

At this point I might as well mention that there was no English on this packet whatsoever. I might also point out the obvious fact that I can't read Japanese. I had no idea what this product was, or what the ingredients were, but I did know that whatever it was it was happy, and there was possibly 300 of it. Or 15. That part was a bit unclear.

Opening the pack I noticed the buns had some dark brown flecks through them, which I assumed were chocolate chips. How wrong I was.


This is about the point I started to rethink the experiment.


In order to give these cold little hockey pucks the best chance of a good review, I had to work out how to cook them. The instructions were extremely helpful.


EASY-TO-FORROW-INSTLUCTION-IRUUUUUU!


Ok, so I put them in a steamer for 6 or 10 (days? months?), or in a 1960s television set for 6 or 60. Hmm. Slight discrepancy there. In the end I took a stab in the dark and nuked them in my television set for two minutes. They came out rock hard, probably because my TV set isn't from the 1960s (although it was screening Bert's Family Feud at the time, but I guess that wasn't enough). I decided to try the microwave the second time, and jammed one of those suckers in there for 10 seconds.


ROOKS EXACTRY THE SAME-IRUUUU!


Result! The bun was nice and squishy and steamy, and I'm sure if left to its own devices it would sprout legs and start smiling like its friends on the front of the packet. Bad luck, no time for that, it's eating time!


CLOSS-SECTION OF BUN-IRUUUU!


The bun was giving off a very odd smell akin to Vegemite, and it was at this point I realised the brown flecks were clearly NOT chocolate. With any luck they'd actually BE Vegemite but I doubted it. A generous bite revealed that the bun actually tasted like...nothing.

Seriously, nothing.

What the HELL?

Why does a bun flecked with brown things taste like nothing? Why does it smell like Vegemite if it actually has no flavour? AND WHY ISN'T IT SMILING?

It was doughy, fluffy, tasted like nothing and smelled like Vegemite.

All in all, a total disappointment. I rate it below the Haw Flakes.

By the way - if anyone can read Japanese I'd love to be enlightened about this product.



4 comments :

  1. It's not Japanese but Chinese. And these buns are meant to go with sweet spreads like a muffin, or dipped in savoury sauces like Turkish bread.

    Pity the people in the grocery shop never enlightened you. ;)

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  2. They're Chinese? I feel so ripped off! Those cartoon buns are clearly Japanesey. Oh well.

    I still have some left over - so if you reckon they improve when dipped in chutney I'll give it a go. I don't hold much hope though.

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  3. Perhaps you should try something savoury next time? (Hint: I don't think savoury things smile or wink.)

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  4. CHIIIIIIINEEEEEEEEESE!

    ReplyDelete