Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Junk mail round up Vol 1

I believe I am one of very few people in the world who actually enjoys receiving junk mail. In fact, when I moved into the bachelorette pad I actually removed the NO JUNK MAIL sticker from my letterbox so that I would get more of it. Now every day my letterbox is bursting with a colourful array of shiny waste paper made from old growth forests, and I couldn't be happier.

So, given my current penchant for starting new sections here at the BC, I'm launching a new regular section - the Junk mail round up - in which I will share the glorious contents of my box with you. So to speak.

This week:

NEWS JUST IN: YOUR 'VOTE FOR PEDRO' T SHIRT IS OFFICIALLY NO LONGER A STATEMENT OF RETRO INDIVIDUALITY.


"I totally didn't get that movie, but I know this shirt is cool."


Suggested alternate uses for previously cool T shirts now featured in this week's Target catalogue:

  • Shoe polishing rag
  • Window polishing rag
  • Any sort of polishing rag, really
  • Costume for a 2004 themed fancy dress party


$19.99 though, that is a bargain.


Not as big a bargain as THIS though.


I think perhaps this ad should actually read ATTENTION: $2 HOOKER!, because that's basically what this handbag says about any woman carrying it. Sure it's genuine leather - PIG leather, from the unsavoury parts of the pig, dyed an even less savoury colour and then stitched together in a "patchwork" style to hide the fact that their origins were ear, ankle and snout. Not sure if the cheap jewellery comes with it, but I am thrilled that the bag doubles as an attractive flower vase.


ACTUAL SIZE!


Clearly Jenny & Tom aren't very GOOD graphic designers, as they've resorted to using someone else's generic flower clipart design on their promotional sticky labels. Perhaps they should read "Jenny & Tom Armstrong: Lazy as SHIT Graphic Designers with No Talent", although that might not fit.


For those who like to dress for comfort.


"AT LAST!" is right! For so many years I have endured comfortable nights' sleep, free of studs, clasps and tight elastic. Thank GOD someone's come up with a way to ruin all that, by inventing a bra I can sleep in. Not COULD sleep in, CAN sleep in. Clearly they know as well as I that there are lots of us who WISH we could, and now - a solution. Praise the Lord! Sure, it looks like something your gran would purchase at the chemist, but you can have TWO of them for the price of one!

See why I love junk mail?



8 comments :

  1. What a cowinkydink. I was just looking at my Avon catalogue last night, thinking, "There's gotta be a blog in this heap o' shite." So I sat down and read it, but apart from laughing at the awful jewellery and discovering that you can buy a bra in a tube (who woulda thought? I wonder if you could sleep in it?), I just got depressed. Then I watched a Shock Doc on female body builders and that made me even more depressed. Sigh.

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  2. Ewww. I saw that shock doc (I love Shock Docs!) It was g.r.o.s.s. Those women must be taking some kind of testosterone suplement as well. How else could you explain their ungainly masculine faces and deep, Isaac Haayes vocal stylings?

    As for the Vote For Pedro tees, Target on Pultenay is featuring not only band teeshirts for The Who, The Doors and The MotherFuckn Sex Pistols, but also Top Gun tees - with GOOSE written on the back.

    If you're going to buy a generic 'retro' tee from target, surely you'd get one that said ICE MAN? Or SCIENTOLOGY FREAK? Still, if you're going to buy a generic 'retro' tee from target, well... sauce for the goose I say.

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  3. Oh, and btw, that bag is nanna all the way, not $2 whore. I think $2 whores carry bum bags rather than crappy patchwork (or judging by those Hanson Rd pics the Irishman organised last year, anyway).

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  4. No way man, that is totally a hooker's bag. Look at all the pockets? Eccies in there, meth in there, pack of Holidays in there...

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  5. I'm absolutely LOVING this new section. Thankyou PetStarr!

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  6. I don't mind junk mail, I can get discount Haw.

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  7. Since when did any reference from an indie movie represent a statement of individuality? :-P

    But yeah, I laughed when I saw that too. Kinda like I laughed when I saw Ramones and Misfits shirts on sale in fashion places.

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