As I am currently payint US $0.25 a minute for the privilege of using a computer that is connected to the internet, I can't say much, even though I am brimming with stories to tell (including my out of body experience with BOB DYLAN AND JACK WHITE last night)(yes, you read that right, Bob Dylan AND Jack White)(in bed together)(ok so that's not true)(it was just me and Jack in bed together)(ok so that's not true either). My friends will also know that I currently have no mobile phone, as America, in its everlasting quest to prove it is different from and better than the rest of the world, is on a different mobile network and so my normal one doesn't work. This has left me in a technology free zone which, as those who know me would know, has left me wanting to tear my hair out slowly whilst setting fire to each of my toenails individually.
So I have just one thing to say to this country:
"Hello, America? HEARD OF THE INTERNET? IT'S REALLY NEAT, MAYBE YOU WANT TO HOOK SOME COMPUTERS UP TO IT SO PEOPLE CAN, YOU KNOW, USE IT? I mean, I know you're all wealthy and your entire population is up to speed with the latest gadgets and technology and shit, and everyone has an iPod and a Blackberry and they can get their emails on their digital watches, but guess what? NOT EVERYONE HAS A GOD DAMN LAPTOP, OK? NOT EVERYONE CAN WALK INTO A STARBUCKS AND HOOK UP TO YOUR STUPID HI-SPEED WI FI INTERNET BROADBAND ADSL WEBDOWN NETLINK CRAP. SOME OF US ACTUALLY NEED A COMPUTER.
This is what happens when one is deprived of the internet for too long.
Oh, and PS: Vietnam is technically a third world country, and it has broadband access coming out its arse, not to mention more computers than you on every street corner. Think about it."