I'd like to continue that theme with this, my personal countdown of the worst commercials currently annoying me on the telly. Starting with:
7. Toyota Rav 4
This ad gets a mention purely because of its involvement in this story: a few Sundays ago I was sitting down to some breakfast in the kitchen with a bit of Video Hits on in the background when I heard the delightful sounds of The White Stripes' Blue Orchid drift through from the other room. "Huzzah!" thought I, as I am yet to see the video clip for this fabulous song. Off I darted - only to be greeted with a bloody RAV4 commercial. So, for blatantly stealing a fantastic song and advertising a car with it, I nominate Toyota in seventh place.
6. Lenards Chicken
Not a particularly annoying ad, as it's fairly quiet and the background music is unobtrusive enough for you to ignore the whole thing altogether, but because it starts with a gut-wrenching, sick-making, vomit-worthy closeup shot of a knife slicing through a raw chicken fillet (it might not sound bad, but you get close up enough to that shit and you'll feel sick too) I am nominating it in sixth place.
5. Ingham Chicken
On a bit of a chicken bent here, sorry about that, but this ad REALLY shits me. Ingham have come up with a bizarre campaign for their chicken products that is accompanied by the slogan "Makes any mum a great mum". Now, apart from the whole "Mum" thing being one of my pet hates in ANY advertising campaign, I find this one particularly offensive. It seems to suggest that anything other than perfect behaviour makes a woman an "average mum" - but that she can redeem herself by heating up some frozen chicken pieces. And what makes an average mum? Apparently it's being a bit unlucky in a festive situation (as in the one where the mum pops a champagne and breaks a fishbowl with the cork), or swearing a bit (as in the one where the mum yells a bit of probably well-deserved abuse at a dodgy driver), or my favourite, not being a PERFECT 1950s HOUSEWIFE when washing your husband's clothes (as in the one where the mum accidentally dyes her family's white shirts pink). Ingham - get fucked.
4. 'Hide and Seek' Victorian tourism ad
When is Victoria going to get over itself? It's like the whole state suffers from some sort of personality disorder, and someone needs to scream "YOU'RE NOT FRANCE, OK? GET OVER IT!" That said, this campaign is possibly a controversial addition to the list because it's very well shot, very watchable and it has a lovely little song that sticks in your head. On the surface, it's quite nice. However I've just watched Wolf Creek and now I see this commercial for what it REALLY is - a short horror film.
The original ad:
For those who haven't seen it and can't be bothered watching the above: a young couple, who have obviously been holidaying in a bed and breakfast of some sort in
the south of FranceVictoria, try to extend their stay by escaping the manager by naughtily running through various picturesque locations and hiding in the vineyards, while he chases them around. LIKE JACK NICHOLSON IN THE SHINING. Seriously, the man is creepy. He dances between the vines with a maniacal smile on his face as he looks for his victimsmissing house guests. All that's missing is the axe in his hand. Not only this - then he carries their left-behind suitcases into a shed and stows them, smiling, on a shelf, ALONGSIDE HUNDREDS OF OTHER BAGS OF HUNDREDS OF OTHER MISSING HOUSEGUESTS. Where are they all living? In the vineyards? Maybe six feet under them. I say again: Wolf Creek. I think the slogan should be changed from "You'll never want to leave" to just "You'll never leave". It's possibly more appropriate, especially if you happen to stay at this house of horrors run by a madman in the Yarra Valley.
The Run, Rabbit, Run soundtrack is scary enough as it is (in fact I believe it was a pro-ally song during WWII written about Hitler - great), but I swear if you put some screechy violins in there instead you'd get a one minute movie straight from hell.
In fact, I KNOW you would, as I've done it myself using music from Donnie Darko. I'd like to think it's what the ad was TRULY meant to be - properly menacing.
Visit Victoria? I'd rather go to Snowtown, thanks.
3. Dominos 'So Puff'
Hey kidz, Domino's is PUFF - TO THE EXTREME!
Guys, you can't just "invent" coolness. That sort of shit is straight from the anti-cool textbook. You can't just start calling things "puff" and hope that DA KIDZ will jump on the bandwagon. Apart from which, the word "puff" is ridiculous anyway, and even if someone ACTUALLY cool were to come up with it, it would probably make them immediately uncool. Seriously, I don't even think Johnny Depp could get away with that shit, and he's pretty much the coolest person in the world. And aside from ALL of that - puff pastry pizza is a revolting idea in the first place. Bronze medal for Domino's.
2. Metropolitan Plumbing
Non SA readers might be a bit lost with this one, so here's a basic rundown of the ad: Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing. Metropolitan Plumbing.
And the coveted first prize for most annoying, worst ad currently on TV goes to...
1. SA Road Safety
I'm sorry, I know it's worthy and saving people's lives and everything, but this has got to be the WORST jingle ever written or sung.
Click to watch the horror for yourself
If you can (for just a moment) get over the indescribably awful sound of those children singing off key (No need to BEEEEEEEEEEEE in a hurry...), I'd like to ask: WHO WROTE THESE LYRICS?? "There's lots of cars going here and there?" Bob Dylan should take note, he has clearly been usurped.
I have to clutch my ears, run to the TV and pull the plug out of the wall every time this ad comes on. For my money, I'd rather endure those horrific watermelon ones, or the ones where kids get slammed through windows, than to have to hear this jingle ever again.
Well, that's my list. Any additions (or angry words of criticism) are, as always, more than welcome in the comments.