Monday, January 15, 2007

Matthew Newton: Australia's future Pete Doherty

At the risk of sounding pessimistic, I'm calling it right now: by the end of the year, Matthew Newton will be Australia's Pete Doherty. And Pete will probably be dead by then so Matthew will actually be the world's Pete Doherty. So he might as well get the legal documents ready to change his name now, because it's practically guaranteed.

Let's check out the recent events leading to this unfortunate circumstance: his hot ex girlfriend dumped his arse and charged him with assault; NOVA radio has sacked him before he even bothered to turn up to work late; and Channel 10 has continued their Newton-sacking agenda by dumping him too. (Although that might have something to do with the fact that he pretended to suck John Foreman's wang on air during a family fireworks broadcast).

Now he's gadding about with Gracie Otto sporting extremely dodgy facial hair. I can't wait until he starts slapping her around too, so the tabloid media can use headlines about his "fall from Gracie".

Clearly, all signs point towards him taking up a serious drug habit to break even further away from his former "squeaky clean image", dating a model (I nominate Eboni from Australia's Next Top Model cycle one), getting arrested more, shaving even less and frequently falling over in public.

Gosh, it's so NICE to have a bad boy on the Australian celebrity landscape once again. I don't think we've had one since Russell Crowe last threw a phone at someone. And let's face it, he was getting on a bit so it's nice that he's passed the baton on to a younger contender.

I think when it comes to M-Newt Google sums it up best:


It's like looking into a crystal ball - before, after and unrecognisable.

And he was so good on Thank God You're Here.



13 comments :

  1. Wow! That blog had about as much punch as a Newton left hook to the temple. Speaking of which, doesn't his old man host celebrity family feud? I see an awesome piece of television to be had. "oooo did he just do what I think he just did? Newton has kicked his ex-beau right in the Satchwell." I don't care who you are. That's gotta hurt.

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  2. Actually Raoul you've given me an idea there. I can just see Bert waving hello on the next episode of Family Feud and cheerily introducing the first question for the day: "Things that my son has done to embarrass me lately. And the top answer is - exist!"

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  3. Now that's a bit harsh, guys. Until he wets his pants on live TV and is caught in a compromising position on the back seat of a taxi with Stormy Summers, he hasn't sunk as low as he can go. Just give the lad a bit of time.

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  4. Maybe there's some kind of correlation between deviant behaviour and having a forehead the size of a dinner-plate?

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  5. Let the sackings continue. I'm sorry but anyone who beats up on beautiful beautiful Brooke doesn't deserve to earn more than I do.

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  6. who cares about matt newton!? i wanna know how axel whitehead is doing!? is he dead?

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  7. "And he was so good on Thank God You're Here."

    that is exactly what i thought when i heard

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  8. I find very little to like about Matthew Newton, but the video of his TV antics is actually pretty tame.

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  9. A public display of sexual acts, either mock or real---a liberal use of colourful language----throwing a telephone at a hotel employee----all good things that increase your ratings as a "Bad Boy"
    But belting your girlfiend just makes you a piss weak little cretin.
    Matthew Newtons failed attempt at facial camouflage is just an indication that he should have his fathers hair style in a few years

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  10. congrats on your promotion, Petstarr.

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  11. Maybe if his daddy would come out of the closet he wouldn't have so many "issues".
    That's gotta be a weird existance. I bet Bert gets around in nothing but a pink feathered boa and a shiny bald head at home.

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  12. I keep getting hits from people searching "matthew newton cocaine" so prehaps there is another story there.

    god, please let him be a coke head, and gracie otto is kinda hot.

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  13. I don't know who this Matthew Newton guy is, but judging by that picture in the Herald Sun he is a cheap Leonardo Dicaprio lookylikey who's hair is desperately trying to escape.

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