Monday, October 29, 2007

Australian Idol 07 Wrap Up: Aussie Hits Night RESULTS

Welcome to the Monday night pad-fest, kids!

All the Idols are looking a bit worse for wear after last night's ARIA awards, at which (if my mate Scootikins who was actually there is to be believed) Mr Marty Simpson got a bit tipsy. Ok, so he got shitfaced. Allegedly. I wonder if he started belting out "Thi-is night turned out nothing like I had plaaaaaaned" when he woke up in a dumpster under the Harbour Bridge.

Tonight appears to be fancy dress night in the Idol studio: Holden's come as a cowwboy, Marcia's dressed as a nun, Dicko's a private school boy at a boat race and Kyle... well, who's looking at Kyle? Let's just thank the lord Matt Corby has fended off Sheridan Tyler long enough to put something semi decent on. What is it? I don't know, who cares, all I know is it's NOT a nightie with lego men all over it.

Anyway, let's cut to the chase here. Some stuff happens, Ricki Lee shows off her thighs, they show footage of Tarisai doing her nut at Holden in a very Jerry Springer-esque way, more stuff happens, blah blah blah.

Tarisai and Marty are first into the bottom three. Surprise, surprise. Natalie, Carl and Matt are left on the bench - my money's on Matt to be rounding out the numbers.

Lucky then I'm not a betting girl, as Natalie's the last to be called into the bottom three. Bugger. ARE YOU SERIOUS? No really, are you?


Bastard Monkey Boy throws to a break - NO YOU SCUM, JUST TELL US THE RESULT FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!

"We should press on," says Ken Doll when he comes back from the break. YOU THINK?

"Going home tonight is... Tarisai Vushe."

OH THANK THE LORD ABOVE. Natalie is safe, the Bratz doll hits the road, earplug companies all around Australia instantly go out of business.

And to conclude tonight's results show wrap up, a quote from my Idol sidecar Raoul Duke.

"Bloody hell she's small! Sure it's Tarisai? More like BONSAI."

Bye, Bonsai.


  1. did you see the sign in the crowd 'i wish matt was 3 years older'


    bonsai leaving? marvellous

  2. Good bye and good riddance to Temper Tantrum Tarisai, now all we need to kick out is Marty and we'll have the perfect final three.
    Thanks for another brilliant wrap up,
    Natalie Rose xox

  3. We need to kick Carl out about ten weeks ago.

    He looks and sounds like he belongs singing for 70 year olds on a cruise ship..

    I'm glad Natalie stayed, though.

  4. haha I agree with bec
    I honestly dont know how Carl made it through auditions.
    I dont see why everyone likes him.
    I dont like Natalie, though I preferred Tarasai to leave.
    Matt is definitely the best, which means he wont win, so I hope Marty or Carl wins just to prove Idol is even more of a joke than it already has been *coughcaseycough*

  5. I really wanted to see your picture collections, it must be pretty funny.

    Yay happy Nat stays.

    Marty is a terminator, i was wondering how he feels for dodging bullets so many times. If he made it to the opera house then it'll be the best record ever.

  6. Marty is being kept in the running by the Aussie 'battlers' who want to see a poor boy make good.
    Karl has the Australian navy voting - so that keeps him in.
    Matt and Nat are really the only talents left (Matt and Nat! They could be a duo). I prefer Matt's style - so my votes on him. Matt's confidence has waned with all the bashing - who gives a shit what he wears? His voice is glorious, spectacular,incredibly interesting.
    The judges are really ruining the show this year - wish they would scrap the judges or get a fresh batch.
    I enjoy your blog - thanks.

  7. Are we absolutely sure that there isn't a campaign to keep in the worst contestants, like during the latest series of American Idol? Tarisai's exit was expected, but Marty should have rightfully been booted weeks ago.

  8. I LOVED Dicko's 'Angry Bratz' comment. So spot on. Yeah, she was a whiny, shouty bitch.

    I'm a Nat & Matt fan, too. (Except Matt's horrendous cleavage top last week's results show - TRAGIC. And Thirsty Merc? Phil fucking Collins? Phil Collins as best song of 1990? I THINK NOT. And Nat's Disney version of Rehab. Maybe she was channelling an Olsen twin that night.)

  9. Surely I'm not the only one not surprised by Natalie ending up in the bottom three this week?

    Don't get me wrong - I'd tagged her as a likely finalist right from her first appearance on the audition shows (but then, I also figured Cleo Howman would be a sure thing to make the final 12!) - but Nat's version of Boys In Town was NOT GOOD!

    The problem with it wasn't her, though. It was twofold:

    1. Whoever told her to do the stand-on-the-piano trick was an idiot. That looked awkward as hell and once she was there she couldn't move an inch lest she fell splat onto the stage.

    2. The band. THE BAND! Foreman! Yes you!! That was the *worst possible arrangement* for a song like that. Nat's solo beginning was great - and then the band kicks in and it sounds like bloody Young Talent Time. Producers, next year hire in the Rockwiz band for things like this. That. or chain Foreman to a pole, leave him out overnight and tell him he's not getting any sleep until he can convince us that he's learnt the reason why Over-Arranging Is Very Very Bad.

    The original song kicked proverbial rock arse with a drummer, one bass and one guitar. Why did we need the Foreman Express to "enhance" it?

    At any rate, by the time that was all over, I was cringing - and I was 100% certain that would send her to the bottom 3. I hate being right when it's not the performer's fault.

    The fact that Holden gave it a "Touchdown", meanwhile, says a lot about Holden.

  10. How fake was the whole "Angry Tarisai" sketch? So funny. I think it dragged on a little too long, it was basically Tarisai complaining for 10 minutes and her and Mark repeating themselves. Very badly written..

  11. Now let's watch Tarisai blame everyone else for her elimination.

    Personally, I blame the tight jeans.

  12. At least Marty has an interesting, unique voice. I could see him doing a pretty good studio album, he just sucks on stage. I would rather drink battery acid than listen to a whole album of Carl.

    Until i'm 70, then i'm sure he will be very entertaining on P&O.

  13. We all knew Tarasai was toast....but Nat in the bottome 3?! NO NO NO..THERE'S NO WAY!

  14. Earplug companies are safe from demise for at least another week Petstarr... Marty is still in the comp..

  15. BONSAI! Oh My God... I am at the library studying (or NOT studying as it appears...) and I had a massive laugh out loud at that comment. Attracted a lot of glares and strange looks, but honestly that is the best call ever! Give Raoul a pat on the back for me. My sister and I had a party when Tarisai got the boot, FINALLY! We have hated her from the start. So annoying and screech-mcgeech. GAH. Matt is a genuine talent... hope the Teen Scream Team doesn't get to him too much! He just needs to focus on being the fanastically mature and gracious artist he is. Matt and Nat for top two!

  16. I have analysed, predicted and come up with the formula as to why Carl is still on the show.
    Here are the results:
    He's hot.

    And thats pretty much all you need to get your break in this industry, thanks to all the young girls out there. :D

    The sad part is, I quite like Carl...

  17. Yes, it is indeed true about Marty being wretchedly smashed by 10pm after the ARIAs finished up. His female sidekick had to drag him up the stairs after he made an impromptu attempt to have a slurred conversation with me as I stood chatting to Katie Noonan. Hell, I don't watch the show but I like the way Marty takes the opportunity to drink up the free piss! Now he just needs to learn how to last the whole night - even underaged Timmy from Operator Please was still at the EMI afterparty at 4am!

  18. Neon Kitten said 2. The band. THE BAND! Foreman! Yes you!! That was the *worst possible arrangement* for a song like that. ...

    The original song kicked proverbial rock arse with a drummer, one bass and one guitar. Why did we need the Foreman Express to "enhance" it?

    That's all very true. However, have you noticed that all the arrangements this year have been fiddled and tampered with? (Mostly for the worse). This is a departure from previous seasons and the fact that people like Holden are there encourging them to fix what ain't broke, I don't know if you can completely blame Foreman and his sidekick, Erana. These 'arrangement ideas' are coming from the contestants. Yes, that's right: 17 year olds who know a lot more about the song than the person who wrote it! What I don't understand, is why Foreman and Erana aren't telling them it's shite and making the show sound like some bad 70's variety program.

  19. I just found your awesome blog and I am in love.

    I do wish there was more screaming and swearing on idol though.... we need Tarisai style temper tantrums to distract from the dullards.