Monday, October 15, 2007

Australian Idol 07 wrap up: The Year You Were Born RESULTS

Well. I mean. Well. What can one say after such a SHOCKING results show? Has the world gone mad? AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS?

Taramasalata's off-key baying and Dan Mifsud's atrocious moonwalking attempts are overlooked, and Marty is sent to the floor. Nothing weird about that, given both he and the judges beg every Sunday to let him go home. BUT HE TAKES MATT CORBY WITH HIM. Shock! Horror! A hush falls over the crowd, interrupted by the odd weep and wail. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, SURELY NOT MATT CORBY?

No sooner has Idol's golden boy hit the deck than BOOM! Ben "I'm really Ja'mie from Summer Heights High" Mackenzie goes down too. IT'S MADNESS, I TELL YOU, SHEER MADNESS. Sure, every word he sings mysteriously seems to end in "ay" ("I shot the sheriff, but I didn't shoot the deputay-ay-yaayy-yeaaahhayy!") but come ON, he's NOT THAT BAD!

The lunacy continues when Marty is the first to be sent back to the safety of the Idol bench. And he actually WANTS to go home. Matt, ben, Matt, Matt, Ben. Who will it be? I can't look, it's all too horrid. I dive under the cushions just in time to hear the result - Ben is out on his ay-ayy-ayyyy-ear. Poor Ben Mackenzay-ay-ayyyyay-yaayyyyeah.

"Can I sit down?" he asks, before sitting cross legged on the stage and delivering one more rendition of his mild-to-medium Chili Peppers version of Higher Ground, Gandhi stylee. What a very zen ending to a very bizarre results show.

Next week: Monkey Boy and Ken Doll get naked and dance the lambada, Dicko sings the entire score of My Fair Lady backwards and Holden announces he's actually a woman.



16 comments :

  1. This is so fucking stupid. Marty doesn't want to be there! Can't he just drop out or something?

    (My word verification thing is XIDICY, which is close enough to IDIOCY that I think even Blogger's random generators agree with me)

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  2. What I didn't get is why Ben seemed so excited to be in the bottom 3...he was jumping all over the place like the incredibly heterosexual individual that he is. Seriously, Natalie was more upset.


    Speaking of Natalie, she's growing on me. I realise the disney Winehouse was unforgiveable and that I forgot about the first 2 weeks but....hey, at least she doesn't sing Michael Buble covers every week

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  3. And Marty didn't walk why? I'm glad Natalie is still there though. I suspect that Matt made it into the bottom three for one reason only - Australia was punishing him for that bloody stupid comment about Phil Collins last night!

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  4. Matt Corby in the bottom three? Uproar! I say the show is rigged, it must be. Idol did this to us to stir things up a bit and get more votes. Surely it's the only way.

    I can actually see another Dean Geyer happening with him. As in, darling Matt comes third, to the shock of a nation, and a belting diva comes second, Tarisai or Natalie, and the obscure one that nobody thought would win comes first. Carl. *Laughs* It's possible.

    This also goes with my theory that Marty is this year's Lisa Mitchell, in his own way. And Lisa came sixth... so maybe Marty will too. Let's hope so, because if he gets any further in this competition... I will be mad.

    Eh. My theory sucks.
    -Natalie Rose xox

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  5. The only reason I can think of (at this late hour) is that Marty is attempting to use reverse psychology to con people into thinking he "doesn't want to be in the competition and would much rather be on stage playing his own original material". Can't he just leave the show?? Even Marcia "I say nice things about y'all girlfriends and brothers" Hines was disgusted at tonight's decision. Word!!

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  6. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Marty is my favourite. WHY? you all ask..

    Sure, I agree he sucks every week but at least he knows it - and it's really because he'd be much better off playing sunday arvo gigs at some inner city trendo bar that wants to appear beachy - and he never ever comes out and yells something entirely embarrassing and lame like 'How y'all doin'?!!?' or asks people to stand up and dance.

    In a year of shithouse competition, I'm gunning for the most apathetic of the lot to take out the crown. It's the only way.

    Meanwhile, how the fuck is CARL still in the game??????!!!!*


    *not a fan of excessive punctuation, but the situation called for it..


    HA! My word veri is totally 'bnjmx' which I think we can all agree almost means 'benji mac X NO DEAL!'

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  7. but seriously folks... petstarr, how can you be encouraging marty to smile MORE, every time he even vaguely attempts to smile he looks like michael j. fox from teen wolf, with the werewolf teeth in . the eyebrows are not helping with that image either, obviously. in fact, i reckon if we could find a picture of m.j. fox halfway through getting his werewolf makeup done, we'd probably get a perfect likeness of marty. mifsud, on the other hand, just has the hair, body and otherwise, and is handicapped by the fact that he can't sing for shit. fortunately that's not an essential skill for this show eh? and though i respect audrey's apathy argument, the man looks in so much damn pain when he sings, so much so that if he was playing at a "trendy" pub near me it'd probably put me off my g&t, that he just needs to go.
    not that there's anyone left that i would want to win, really, winning implying being released out into the world like a rabid dog to infect innocent passers by with the aural equivalent of rabies (ie. instead of sensitivity to light we refuse to turn on the radio or even go to the, gasp, supermarket for fear of the sound of the latest idol bloodbath), not to mention the prospect of music videos with jennifer hawkins [shudder in bowel-loosening terror]...
    and did someone mention they liked that leith boy from last year? and listened to his stuff on purpose?
    the world hath truly gone mad. fortunately, there is nick cave this friday to cleanse my oh so sullied ears...

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  8. I love a good conspiracy and this one is obviously the work of the producers to stem those nasty rumours that AOG is fixing the results.. Ben will have a recording contract 2 weeks after the show finishes during which time his voice can break and he'll end up sounding like Barry White.. "I shot the deputayyy, baby".

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  9. I CANNOT believe Ben is gone, and CARL is still there. I cannot believe ANYONE is gone and CARL is still there. This show is starting to give me a very bad headache. I don't know if i can watch it anymore...boo hoo.

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  10. WOWSER! Marcia was NASTY this week wasn't she? First the crazed outburst in defence of B.Mac (what is this meant to be like K. Fed??? HARDLY a good role model for the innocent teen) then the FILTHY look and comment after he got the chop.
    "YOU WANT to be here while SOME PEOPLE (camera pans in on Agro, sorry, Marty, subtle people... REAL subtle) DO NOT even WANT to be here!"
    She ain't haaaappppppyyyyyy....

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  11. All shock aside, Monkey Boy helping out during the group song was the single most funniest moment in Australian Television History (excluding Marty Monster's epic battle with a kangaroo). I almost pissed my pants laughing so hard at that. Seconds before I was grumping to my housemates about how much I detest the group songs when that happened and Idol redeemed itself.

    My confirm word is tidhrgal - reminds me of bondage witha cool chick.

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  12. I'm trying to like at least one of them. It's much more fun to watch if you actually want someone to win. But alas, these guys are lacking a serious amount of soul. I'm just waiting for that moment when you go 'wow' and finally see Natalie use that voice with a bit of attitude and grunt.

    My confirm word is zqmcaeig - it reminds me of something Mark Holden would say.

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  13. Only thing I learned from last night's show is that too many people tryint to vote Marty off have been confused by Marcia. The Oz Idol SMS line just doesn't recognise the spelling "Mahhhty" and add it to his total.

    If it did, he would have been gone WEEKS ago.

    verify: mrsoegk - Mr So Geek? RIP little Ben :)

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  14. Oh my God! Isn't Idol finished YET? I noticed when I was in Anus and Robertson today that Damien Leith wrote a book! I mean, it looks a bit shit, but who'da thunk it?

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  15. Monday night Results show…WTF!!

    Matt Corby is wearing a DRESS covered in lego men!

    And Misfed got the boot and then gave a speech as though he received an Oscar….Hello! you have been kicked out!! Thank god he chose the lame Sting song rather than regurgitating that poor attempt of that other lame Eskimo Joe song.

    And someone in wardrobe REALLY HATES Natalie…
    Go the GAUCI!

    Luv ya work! Petstarr

    Amber

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  16. CALM DOWN PEOPLE - the results recap is coming. Hold yr comments until then!

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