All the Idols are looking a bit worse for wear after last night's ARIA awards, at which (if my mate Scootikins who was actually there is to be believed) Mr Marty Simpson got a bit tipsy. Ok, so he got shitfaced. Allegedly. I wonder if he started belting out "Thi-is night turned out nothing like I had plaaaaaaned" when he woke up in a dumpster under the Harbour Bridge.
Tonight appears to be fancy dress night in the Idol studio: Holden's come as a cowwboy, Marcia's dressed as a nun, Dicko's a private school boy at a boat race and Kyle... well, who's looking at Kyle? Let's just thank the lord Matt Corby has fended off Sheridan Tyler long enough to put something semi decent on. What is it? I don't know, who cares, all I know is it's NOT a nightie with lego men all over it.
Anyway, let's cut to the chase here. Some stuff happens, Ricki Lee shows off her thighs, they show footage of Tarisai doing her nut at Holden in a very Jerry Springer-esque way, more stuff happens, blah blah blah.
Tarisai and Marty are first into the bottom three. Surprise, surprise. Natalie, Carl and Matt are left on the bench - my money's on Matt to be rounding out the numbers.
Lucky then I'm not a betting girl, as Natalie's the last to be called into the bottom three. Bugger. ARE YOU SERIOUS? No really, are you?
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!
Bastard Monkey Boy throws to a break - NO YOU SCUM, JUST TELL US THE RESULT FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!
"We should press on," says Ken Doll when he comes back from the break. YOU THINK?
"Going home tonight is... Tarisai Vushe."
OH THANK THE LORD ABOVE. Natalie is safe, the Bratz doll hits the road, earplug companies all around Australia instantly go out of business.
And to conclude tonight's results show wrap up, a quote from my Idol sidecar Raoul Duke.