Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Australia's Next Top Model Wrap Up: Episode One

OHM OY GOURD CAN YOY EVEN BELOYVE IT?

ANTM is like, totally on again! And after winning fans, admiration and even the blessing of the anointed one, ANTM3 winner Alice Burdeu (I'm not kidding - see that big old quote over on the right there? That ain't made up you know), I've decided to get back on the model rollercoaster and blog ANTM4 for your reading pleasure.

So, shall we kick it? Yes we shall.

First, the model run down. There are the requisite weird names (Caris, Leiden, Demelza, Alamela), protruding hip bones, and bitchy looks. That's all you need to know for now.

The first models rock up and are made to sit in an empty room that looks like it could be an exhibit at the Tate called Study in Minimalism II. The same could be said of Alexandra's brain. She's 20, and a "university student" (I think you'll find they all are, actually, although it's unclear if any of them actually go) who explains that "My confidence comes from just the fact that I know I look good." Simple, really.


I am totally not posing.


Then there's 19 year old Caris, who is a university student (no, really) and looks a bit like Angelina Jolie. With braces. Yes, braces. I might remind you that the winner of this competition gets to shoot a cover of VOGUE.


VOGUE? Shit, really?


"I don’t take myself too seriously," she laughs. Neither will anyone else love, with those teeth.

There's 18 year old Leiden, who's unemployed (hey, at least she's not a university student), and who rocks up in hippie gear like she's just gotten off the overnight economy flight from Bali.

“I’m shitting bricks. These chicks are glam and I’ll have no chance,” she barks before blurting out the longest belch you’ve ever heard. She'll obviously be our classy contender.


ANTM ROCKS!



"I don’t reveal all of myself immediately, so no one can get me," bleats Alamela, who is 17 going on 85. We can file her directly under W for WEIRDO, as you'll see later.

"I’m clean, I'm sophisticated, I’m more than a pretty face," spouts Kamila, the law student. So, doing better than Leiden on all counts, then.

"I don’t have a filter between my brain and my mouth - it’s like word vomit," shrieks 17 year old "country girl" Belinda, proving her point without even trying.

Next comes Miss Personality, 17 year old Emma.

"It’s going to take me a while to get used to ... meeting all new people, and that," she buzzes. CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT IN THE AIR?

Then there's 20 year old business student Samantha, who announces she has a "killer in-stink", 21 year old receptionist Jamie who describes her personality as “bubbly, friendly, outgoing, and down to earth” (well don’t we just love HER already) and 19 year old bargirl Kristy who struts in with matching luggage and a silk scarf around her hair before crapping on about all the modelling work she’s done before. The other girls seem just as thrilled as we are to have her on the show.

Rebecca is a 16 year old "fast food worker", which means we'll probably get to hear the good old “I eat cheeseburgers every day but I JUST CAN’T GET FAT” song every episode. Anyway apparently she’s friends with Alyce, much to the other girl’s chagrin. A ready made alliance? For shame. Rebecca also happens to be wearing shorts that she fashioned out of a vinyl cushion from the sofa bed in the spare room at home.


I made these myself.



On to the judges, who are all same same but different this year: Charlotte Dawson, Jod-hello Meares, and Alex "Bond villain" Perry.

Dawson is now described as a "fashion presenter", which is a step up from last year's label "identity". Seems she’s moved up in the world, although her hair has taken a huge step back - she looks like David Bowie in a wig. So, she looks like David Bowie, then.


A big night? What are you talking about?


She, Jodhello and Perry meet the girls two at a time in a set that looks rather like an after photo on Changing Rooms . First up is Jaime and Leiden.

"Can the girl on the left please come forward," barks Jodhi.

This is obviously the first test. Jaime is struck with confusion - which left? My left or your left - but fortunately Leiden holds her hands out in front, identifies the one that looks like an L and steps forward.

Wearing long cargo shorts, a headband, baggy shirt and a goofy grin that may or may not be assisted by beer, Leiden looks like a backpacker straight off the plane from Bali. No word on whether she's brought a boogie board to the model mansion or not.

"Where do you see yourself modelling in Australia?" Priscilla asks Jaime.

"My ultimate dream OF COURSE would be to be a Victoria’s Secret model," gushes Jaime, showing a distinct lack of understanding of geography.

After this intense grilling, the two are shoved out the door to Jonathan Pease Porridge who has obviously swapped hair with Dawson this season.

He stuffs each of them into a an AD!AD!AD! Tigerlily bikini AD!AD!AD!. Wow, they’re quick. Don’t we normally have to wait until episode three to see their knockers?

"Turn up to my set without one of these – ticket to ride, you DON’T ride," Pease says, throwing a flesh coloured g string at Jaime. This could well be the quote of the season.

It’s fair to say Jaime has a rockin body. AND A BUBBLY DOWN TO EARTH PERSONALITY, SNAP!

"I like you so much better with your clothes off!" exclaims Dawson, something Jaime has no doubt heard countless times before.

Leiden swaggers down the runway like Robocop’s crack addicted fembot girlfriend, and glares at the judges with her lip curled like Elvis Presley. Not so hot, it’s safe to say.

Then it's off to a photo shoot. What the hell? Is this some special Fringe Festival presentation of ANTM in a Minute or something?

"I’ve never done a photo shoot in my life. Well, not a proper one anyway," says Leiden.

Back home Leiden’s brother’s mate’s cousin stops uploading model photos to Flickr to yell "Heyyyy!" at the TV.

Next in the judging room is Alamela and Kamila. They sell seashells on the seashore.

"Alamela has a really interesting beingness," says Jodhi. I wonder whether we shouldn't just ignore her for the rest of the series.

With her permanently wide, glassy eyes and combed hair, Alamela looks a bit like one of the kids in the "love is" series. She also seems like the kind of person who would describe themselves as being “in touch with the spirit world”. Is she an alien? Or a robot?

“What do you think you could bring to this competition?” Perry asks.

“ENERGY,” she replies, before blinking and continuing “...SUPPLIES LOW. SHUT DOWN IMMINENT” and shuffling off the catwalk.

On to Kamila, who does a nifty little parade for the judges.

“It kind of has a cute pout when it walks, but I don’t know what else it can do really,” says Alamela of Kamila.

“It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again,” she continues.

"Alamela's a bit creepy," says Dawson. YOU THINK?

“Great little body. That’s got Victoria’s Secrets written all over it,” meows Jodhi.

Moving on to Rebecca and Alyce, who float in on a powder puff of rainbows, sugar sprinkles and girlish giggles – TOTALLY BFF LOL! Alyce practically falls down the runway in a fit of excitement, flapping her arms and twittering until Dawson tells her to can it. Onya Dawson.

“I need this. I can’t do anything other than this,” she splurts.

“I’d do anything for modelling.”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” cackles Dawson, and we can already see Alyce’s future laid out for her – peeling grapes and pumicing corns while Dawson lies poolside cracking her whip and ordering a steady stream of margaritas.

“Victoria’s Secrets!” says Jodhi as Alyse is parading in her bikini, like a toddler who has just learned its first word.

“VICTORIA’S SECRETS, VICTORIA’S SECRETS!”

“No Jodhi, that’s a spoon. And it’s SECRET anyway you dumbass.”

Caris and Demelza are next on the block.

“I was a bit embarrassed, because I don't have the best body, because I eat takeaway and don’t exercise,” mews Caris. Yawn. WHAT ABOUT YOUR BRACES, TRAIN TRACKS? Priorities, jeez.

“Demelza is beeeyooootiful, she looks like a modern day Veronica Lang,” coos Perry.

“VERONICA’S SECRETS?” shrieks Jodhi.

“Have you heard of the artist Botticelli? Beautiful, soft feminine women. You’re more jelly botty,” barks Dawson in a completely unrehearsed, unprepared and, coincidentally, unfunny line.

Perry tells them they both need to be a size 8. What the hell are they now? I take a look at my size 14 jeans on the floor and bite into another buttered crumpet yelling "SCREW YOU ALEX PERRY!"

Then we meet Belinda. She's the biggest dag of them all. She's only worn heels five times in her life and can’t really even walk in flats, and will clearly win the AMAZING OH MY GOD WHAT A TRANSFORMATION ugly duckling makeover award once they take off her daggy glasses and Deborah K top. She is also clearly the type they are going to play the country yokel background music for every time she's on screen.

"I don’t reckon there’s enough kind of, everyone’s focusing on the fact that it’s gone through the whole oh my god we don’t want that skinny emaciated pathetic looking people that look just anorexic so..." she says.

WTF? probably sums up the feeling in the judging room after this little speech.

Meanwhile, Alexandra has fallen asleep with an open book of Kafka on her head. Poor dear, someone should tell her that’s not how osmosis works.

When she wakes up she endears herself to everyone by boasting about how she looks at overseas fashion, not Australian designers, and drops a whole heap of names to prove what a fashionista she is.

Then she walks down the runway and it looks like her hips are going to disconnect and finish the strut on their own. Perhaps she, Leiden and Alamela can form their own breakaway fembot league of models.

When she's asked to give five reasons why she's better than the other models, she answers "I'm whiter". Oo-kay then.

Finally there's Samantha. The judges say “exotic”. I say “eyebrow wax”.


At least tweeze them, honey.


The girls are then shuttled off to the model mansion, and there’s a lot of “Oh my GOURD”ing. There’s all the mod cons, including a gym which, if last year was anything to go by, will never get used.

The first order of the day is to come up with some house rules. Alamela's LEDs start flashing wildly - apparently she's a neat freak. At least, that was how they programmed her back on Creepton 5.

The girls add such helpful, black and white, totally non vague rules as “Cook and clean” and “don’t take offence to criticism”.

This latter point is explained by Rebecca: “If someone says you’re ugly, and an ugly bitch, then sure you can cry, but um, like, we should be able to critique you and you shouldn’t get upset about it cos we’re just trying to help you.”

So if you call someone an ugly bitch, make sure you counter it with something like "But you have great taste in music".

The next day the girls head off to their first challenge, a video shoot for the ANTM TV commercial, which has a James Bond theme. Each girl is assigned a role, from Russian spy to astronaut. Funny though, I don't seem to remember the roller disco girl in James Bond.

“Everyone seemed well suited to the role they had,” says Alexandra, as receptionist Jaime is assigned the role of a spear fisherwoman. Although Rebecca is a jungle girl, which would seem to fit in Alex's world because she’s not WHITE.

“My boyfriend is going to be so proud of me,” shrieks jungle girl Rebecca who has a snake draped around her neck. He’s too busy beating off to care about that, Rebecca.

Sadly, she fails to complete the complex choreography of two steps forward, look around, one step left. Pease Porridge is unhappy.

Emma, the pilot, has to drop from the ceiling in a parachute.

“The hardest part about it was definitely the landing” she says. As opposed to all the other shit she had to do, like breathing.

“I can’t do it for her. I can’t stick my hand up the back of her and make it happen,” says Pease, without even a touch of awkwardness.

Belinda spends a good 20 minutes dicking around on some rigging squealing “Wee!” before doing a very passable impression of Sophie Monk’s yokel country half sister.

Belinda is quite clearly the Australian modelling equivalent of Superman. She’s completely hot stuff, bounding around with a body to die for and eyes that could slice you open as soon as look at you, but as soon as she puts on her glasses, it’s all “Clark, where’s that report I wanted?” and “Clark, get downtown you bonehead, Superman’s supposed to be showing up soon!”

“Lose the glasses, lose the kook, you could win,” barks Pease, as all the other models stand around doing impressions of Cinderella’s ugly stepsisters.

Alamela struggles with a giant mascara brush (stolen from Dawson’s dressing room, clearly) to play the Tarantinoesque role of “ninja schoolgirl”. Pity. I would have preferred to see her as Mrs Pink, arguing with Jodhi over whether you should tip.

Like all the other models so far, Alamela has difficulty with the demanding choreography of her five second piece – namely, twisting the mascara brush to the side while yelling “HA!” like a ninja.

“I’ve never had to go ‘ha’ before,” she whinges, while 11 other models in the background wish they could take that mascara brush and give her the motivation she needs.

Next up the girls have to shoot a series of Bondesque “silhouettes”, which require them to run three metres in front of a blue screen. They each have a half hour training session with a professional jogger and blue screen stunt man, followed by a short exam and 10 minute refresher course to make sure they fully grasp what is required of them.

Six hours later, Kristy, the roller disco girl, helpfully tells us what she learned: “The blue screen went down onto the floor, and it was like, material, and we all had to run across it and I had to ROLL across it in rollerskates and I was the last girl and it was really hard to get the skates moving on the material and then my head went that way and my legs went that way!”

Her skates get stuck, she has a cry. Then Belinda falls over, and suddenly she’s better again. Funny how that shit works, isn’t it?

Outside the studio there’s some good old fashioned bitching going on, with a few of the girls laying in to Alexandra in the back of the Tarago. Hang on, settle down, not in THAT way. I think that happens in episode four.

“She was talking about how her weight had fluctuated,” says one.

“What’s that?”

“Like, going up and down.”

Given that Emma had difficulties just mastering “down” in her film shoot, this conversation is possibly not so surprising.

Back inside, and Demelza is suited up as some sort of disco-fied astronaut. Or “arse-tronaut” as Pease labels her, because she has a size 10 rear. This, apparently, is unacceptable – EVEN IN THE OUTER REACHES OF THE GALAXY.

“I’m going to show that the world really does revolve around me,” she beams.

Yes. Just like an astronaut, who actually revolves around the... never mind.

We whisk through the others like a hurricane in Elton John’s dressing room - in a flurry of spandex and glitter eyeshadow - presumably because they were all too boring to show in their entirety, and the whole piece ends with a shot of all the models staggering towards Jodhi in ripped clothing and begrimed skin. I can only hope that’s how the winner will eventually be chosen – they’ll set off a bomb in Fox studios, and whichever model can crawl to Jodhi first without dying or requiring medical attention will win. Hurrah!

Back at the model mansion, and it appears a new alliance has formed – Bec, Demelza and Alyce, who have started to refer to themselves as “The Bitchketeers”. I would have thought of that eventually.

The first item on the BK’s agenda is number two. I mean it’s shit. No really, it literally is shit - namely, who has been crapping in the upstairs toilets. This, apparently, contravenes rule three subsection 1A of the house rules: “No shitting in the upstairs toilets”. On the flip side, it probably goes without saying that vomiting is not only allowed in all of the model mansion toilets, but encouraged.

Still caked in makeup from the video shoot (because model make up is like, totally hot, so we should just like, keep it on and run around in our underwear and stuff), Alyce sets about the house waking people up in an effort to seek justice for the misplaced poo. Alamela rather randomly declares she’d rather read New Scientist than be involved with their inane quests, at which Alexandra shrieks “I READ KAFFFFFKAAAAAA!”

The next day the girls are whisked off to a Collette Dinnigan shoot for VOGUE, at the mention of which all of them promptly pee their pants, except for Alexandra, who can name at least three other overseas designers she’d rather wear.

“No I’ve never bought her stuff and I probably wouldn’t. It’s too old for me,” she highbrows, not once mentioning that a lowly university student like her would have to live in a dumpster for a month eating nothing but sawdust to even afford her stuff in the first place.

They are met by Pease, who seems to be wearing a shirt that is trying to strangle him without him noticing.


Look out? Look out for whaaaaaaaa....



He takes out a honking great knitting needle to burst their bubble of happiness by telling them they’re not shooting for VOGUE magazine, but the VOGUE website. And actually, it’s not spelled that way, it’s spelled VOWG and it’s based out of Russia. And you’ll need to sign here, here and here, and just ignore the bit that’s headed MARRIAGE LICENSING INFORMATION.

VOGUE editor Kirstie Clements gives the girls a well deserved rap over the knuckles for their atrocious tan lines – most of them look like they should be hanging off the back of a ute in an Alby Mangles film from 1983.

“Go without tanning? But then I’d be white!” yelps Jaime, who looks like someone up ended her in a bucket of Twining’s English Breakfast and left her there for a week.

Then Samantha faces one of the more embarrassing moments of her life – having to explain to the editor of VOGUE why she has a bandaid on her elbow.

“Um... a bouncy castle incident,” she says.

With Kate Moss, it’s cocaine. With Naomi Campbell, it’s a lawsuit. With Australia’s Next Top Model contestants, it’s a bouncy castle. Horses for courses, I guess.

“Oh that dress suits you, it does, it’s very sweet with your... hmmph... he he... BRACES,” spurts Clements as Caris rolls out in a black lacy Dinnigan number. It’s all the poor woman can do to stop herself exploding with laughter. Braces? I mean come on, what’s next? A size 12 on the runway? Fortunately Caris has no clue.

“It was a real confidence booster!” she gushes.

“She feels quite passionate to do it for people with braces,” explains Pease.

“Oh, ha ha, right - and bad skin!” cackles Clements, in a way I’d imagine is not unlike how he Wicked Witch of the West’s even more wicked older sister would laugh.

So when Belinda the kooky yokel steps up to her to gas bag on about how she doesn’t like living with just girls, because she’s used to living with guys AND girls, and it’s only been a week and it’s really starting to get on her nerves – people begin looking for the nearest table to cower under. Fortunately however the queen has just finished her third kitten’s heart and washed it down with a glass of pearl infused Moet, so she starts singing Belinda’s praises instead of spearing her in the head with a stiletto and kicking her into the nearest photographer like we all assumed she would. Grand.

Photo time, and it’s one of those horrendous group shots ANTM loves to do, where one person looks fabulous and everyone else ends up looking wonked with a gammy eye, dead hand and weird hair. Works for me!

“It doesn’t feel like Emma wants to be here,” snarls Clements through a mouthful of puppy blood.

Not sure why.

“Belinda was my favourite today. She’s got slightly protruding teeth and looks like she’s going to walk into a wall,” she continues.

So THAT’S the secret, girls! VOGUE cover, here we come.

Next thing you know, a Jodhi mail has winged its way on set, and Leiden is reading out a quote by Winston Churchill. Or Church-chill, as she puts it.

“Church chill? Churchill? I don’t even know who that is,” she gobs, while all the other models, clearly history majors, laugh their size 8 to 10 arses off.

But here on ANTM, everyone gets their chance to look stupid, and we begin a delicious montage of moronic models all saying variations on the theme of “Winston Churchill is... um...”, the highlight of which is Rebecca who confidently asserts that “Winston Churchill was a famous philosopher.”

It’s times like these I momentarily consider the benefits of repealing the votes for women legislation.

Back at the model mansion and discussion has turned to more important things, like whether a size 10 is fat or not. The conversation takes a brief turn into a spirited debate about whether clothes made in Bali smell bad, but this is put to a swift end by Kristy’s trump argument: “Who cares, they’re clothes, we wear them.” Alexandra decides to squash all future arguments by not discussing fashion in the house, which is fine with her as all the other girls shop at Westfield and she doesn’t, and they wouldn’t even know what shops or brands she was talking about anyway, so there’s no point.

The fact that no one really wants to talk to Alexandra about anything at all seems to escape her.

On the way to the first judging session, Alamela increases her weirdness factor by about 150 points by breaking into an operetta because “I always sing when I get nervous”. Oo-kay.

But it’s nothing compared to the weirdness they face when they get to the JUDGING WAREHOUSE (cue ominous music). Jodhi. Delivers. Her. Best. Rehearsed. Stilted. Speech. About. The. Prizes. They. Can. Win. Which takes about 2 and a half hours.

Fortunately my dog got hungry and started chewing my big toe, waking me up in time to see Charlotte Dawson looking like John Travolta in Hairspray.

Can’t go back to sleep after that.

On to photo judging., in which:

- Samantha looks startlingly like the photographer’s hairy cousin Mario.

- Leiden looks fine but for the effect that her front tooth has been punched in (possibly by Mario).

- Perry criticises Rebecca for not being enough like that great fashion icon, Pol Pot.

- Belinda looks like she’s been dragged backwards around an obstacle course consisting of a large hay stack, a wind tunnel and a giant pot of foundation, and the judges almost wet themselves with excitement, particularly Ms Clements, whose enthusiasm for the Queensland yokel is beginning to border on creepy obsession.

- Perry decries Leiden’s hair as “Herman Munster”. If only it was Pol Pot instead.

- A whole lot of names are bandied about along with the phrases “Not safe”, “Not a model”, “She doesn’t cut it” – but who the hell really knows who they’re talking about? Demelza? Alamela? Kamila? Ramalamadingdong? IT’S ALL TOO HARD JUST KICK ONE OUT ALREADY.

So they do, with Jodhi reading off her notes the entire time (hey come on, we can’t ALL be Tyra – it’s hard to memorise 13 things to say), and the loser is: Kamila.

Who? Who knows? Who cares? Onward and upward, bitchketeers!



28 comments :

  1. Towards the end of the episode, I pressed the mute button everytime Jodhi spoke. Do you remember in primary school when everybody had to read aloud? Wasn't it extra-painful when it was the turn of that one kid who hadn't quite mastered reading yet? In my class, that kid was called Emmanuel. Jodhi is now Emmanuel to me.

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  2. I'm not sure why I always want to hate the girl who fancies herself an intellectual, but I do. Kafka?? I know people with degrees with a major in Euopean Cultural Studies who never finished Metamorphosis. Well, one person. My copy has never been read past the 4 essays at the front that gave me enough info to pass my exam.

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  3. claire - you're spot on! Maybe we should start calling her Emmanuel from now on.

    nai - tell me about it. The whole "fashion conscious skinny girl reading Kafka" image is so cliched, she might as well put on a beret, light up a fag and sit permanently in the corner of a shitty cafe to complete the look. Ten bucks says she's showing off a copy of 'War and Peace' by the end of the series.

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  4. Alexandra-Sam from Season 1 anyone-except much better looking.

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  5. Cracking post Petstarr. Not even writing into the wee small hours is enough to diminish your funny powers. If I was a catty model, I'd call you a frigging bitch or somethin.

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  6. Very comical, my sister is currently on the show, I am going to print this off and show her, she’ll get a laugh out of this. (hopefully)

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  7. I do love this show, but honestly, I have to record it on my IQ and fast forward through 70% of it...especially in the early eps. PetStarr you're right - Kamila who? Yawn.

    And Belinda! WTF? And Clements LOVES HER?! Time stood still for me when I heard that.

    On a small side note...does anyone else here watch The Soup on E?

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  8. ha! alexandra's shooting herself in the foot, no one's going to want to hire her for australian fashion week at the rate she's going (if she's ever successful)

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  9. charlotte dawsonApril 24, 2008 9:59 am

    Love your wrap ups, the whole crew eagerly await the posts and when Johds mucks up ever she laughs and says "that'll give that blogger some good stuff!" she has a total sense of humor about you and Jo Blogs.... keep em coming and don't hold back we love it! By the way, yip the hair sucks, but due to turning 42, losing me mum and my partner I'm just looking very tired... no late nights just old age and a bit of misery when your young this makes you thin, when you're my age just makes you look terrible!

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  10. DAWSON MY DARLING, is it really you? I'm so pleased you stopped by!

    I'm so sorry to hear about your losses (jeez, way to make a blogger feel guilty, babe), I'll try to lay off the hair with that in mind. You just looked so FIERCE last season, that's all... PS Jodhi's good value, but why aren't you the host?

    By the way - am I right? Is Alamela revealed to be a fembot in a future episode? There can be no other explanation for her completely bizarre attitude. You got it spot on, she is Chucky all grown up.

    Ep 1 was a great start to the season, it's much tighter than last year, good to see. Make sure you stop in next week, make a regular Dawson comment, GO ON!

    PS: You'll be starring in my quotes column now, ha ha!

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  11. charlotte dawsonApril 24, 2008 4:33 pm

    Will do babe, and will encourage Pezzer etc to join in, had mr Pease and Micheal Dye over last weekend and we read the last years wrap up and laughed like drains. Hair will start to develop into a much better look (as in pinned back the fringe - and that was my mistake). Allamella, all I can say is hide the steak knives ... but you're going to have alot of fun with her LET EM TELL YOU!

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  12. hoohoo - I got the Sam vibe from Alex very early on in the ep and it gave me the heebie jeebies. They've even got the same flat face. As for Alamela - the scene of her singing before juding will bring a smile to my face for weeks to come.

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  13. Pease Porridge signing on. Petstarr, if you have a day job you need to quit it immediately... and do this blog full time. Absolutely love your work. I think you've got most of the girls pegged already but next week will surprise you some what... a ripper EP 2 I say. Anyway, keep em coming hard and fast. I'll be reading.

    JP x

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  14. PEASE PORRIDGE! So glad you could make it! This is turning into a regular celebrity hang out, I'm so excited!

    I'm sad the Franz Ferdinand hairdo didn't make it to season 4, but you're still my favourite stylist.

    Hope you're going to make like Dawson and come back here weekly for a bit of insider input. If we can get Jodhello and Perry here too it'll be party central!

    x

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  15. Yep, I've finally come to terms with the fact that Franz is never going to write back to me. I'm now aiming for a Bros come back - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szWkAaD00j0

    Happy for the change but I am quite concerned with how much bigger my head looks.

    I'll be here for sure as long as you keep em real and keep em coming.

    JP x

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  16. Bros - now THAT is a top idea. I do hope that in a future episode the girls have a photo challenge in which they have to emulate bands from the 80s.

    PS: You guys are being too nice to me! Is this a concerted effort to be make me feel guilty eh? EH?

    STOP BEING SO NORMAL, DAMN YOU ALL!

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  17. PETSATRR I am SO FUCKING DRUNK

    I LOVE
    "YOU

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  18. Gee OPPPPES, that's nice! Makes a nice change from the guy who thre an egg at me from a speeding car on Thursday night. Seriously. I am trying not to take it personally.

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  19. hmmm. am i the only person who likes leiden?
    although, that might be because i have a big lesbian crush on her, rather than her modelling skills.

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  20. I don't really have a comment.
    I just want to hang out in the same imaginary room as Dawsey and Peasey.

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  21. Mr Pease, Mz Dawson;

    I've tried to lure Mz Starr away to the glittering lights of top level blogging before with not much luck. I reckon I'll try again.

    My dear, how would you like me to set you up the full package? I'm semi-pro at blog hosting these days an' all. I handle setup, admin, advertising, the lot.

    Cheers,

    Jacques --> jacques@chester.id.au

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  22. Thanks for this. You're so spot on that it hurts.

    Please put the screen shots into the proper aspect ratio though.

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  23. Frank - Nah, think I'll leave 'em like that. I like seeing all the models stretched out.

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  24. Who in the hell is Veronica Lang? I know you have to be old to remember her, but did Perry mean Veronica LAKE? She of the long blonde tresses with the wave over one eye?

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  25. I'd love to see Belinda "stretched out". She could even wear her glasses.
    As per the official website she's leading the popular choice by a margin, taking one third of the votes.
    In fact, I'm extremely surprised that they disclose the viewer's choice intermediate results at all.
    NO WAY she's getting eliminated anytime soon.

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  26. Frank - I wouldn't bet on that, if I were you. The girl's still sporting those bloody awful specs (Australia Post and her mum have a lot to answer for) and she can't walk without appearing drunk and/or semi retarded. Plus, you might keep in mind that all of these episodes were filmed months ago, and the final two are already decided, so it's not like the audience popularity rankings are going to have any bearing on whether a girl is kept in or not.

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  27. Good point about this being a look into the past, actually.
    I didn't know that the ENTIRE thing has been filmed already.

    I'm German (and living in Germany); GNTM is not shot 100% in advance (I think more like 50% or so).

    The contract penalties for early disclosure must be enormous.

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  28. they made a huge mistake cutting Kamila! she had the best face and just check out her walk even as she walks off the judging panel she blows most of the other girls away... i would have loved to see what she would do next! i can only guess there is some other reason she was cut like she told the judges she wanted to go back to school and they left it out of the show or something.

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