Sunday, April 11, 2010

When all else fails, head for the Brickworks

Having both run out of chocolate AND exhausted the contents of the DVD shelf (including the exercise video that came with our Fit Ball), Raoul Duke and I were forced to make a desperate decision on Easter Monday - that of leaving the house.

Clearly outside stimulation was needed. Sadly, Adelaide on a public holiday Monday quite closely resembles this:


"IS THE ART GALLERY OPEN, AT LEAST? HELLO?"


So there was nothing for it but to visit The Brickworks.

For those of you with fulfilling social lives and therefore a complete lack of knowledge of the Brickworks, it's a market/shopping centre/fun fair/"entertainment" complex probably best summed up by this photograph:


It is mandatory that every stallholder at the Brickworks have at least one thing with a wolf on it, or something involving motorbikes. This striking T shirt has both, which is why I bought it immediately.


Or possibly this one, which illustrates the native inhabitants of this culturally enriched environment:


A prime example caught in a rare moment of on-foot travel. Note their distinctive markings and girth, demonstrating their love of rich food and fear of exercise machines. (You will also notice the Thai restaurant is advertising coffee and cakes - foods for which all Asian restaurants are renowned.)


I think you get the idea.

In our defence, I have to say the main thing that drew us to The Brickworks in the first place is this bloke, who has been standing in the same spot barbecuing meat for at least 20 years:


And he is SUPREMELY GOOD at it. This man's barbecued ribs could make a unicorn cry.


Even the sign on the front of his shop is gold:


What says "delicious ribs" better than a drunk Homer Simpson standing on the moon questioning the existence of a chicken?


Don't believe Homer? Ask the pig!


Try them 'now' or 'later', they don't really 'mind'.


But all that rib eating just got Raoul and I more hungry - FOR SOME BARGAIN HUNTING! And boy, did we find some awesome crap to buy. Like this dreamcatcher, which I think I saw recently on the cover of Vogue Living:


A dreamcatcher that inspires nightmares - truly innovative.


Unfortunately Raoul and I are currently redecorating our headquarters with a "cosy ninja" theme, so the severed deer head ornament didn't really suit. But then we found this place:


SA Home Decoration - if your house happens to be home to a ninja, ancient Japanese warlord or Quentin Tarantino.


After buying several machetes, a Samurai sword and two machine guns (one for either side of the fireplace), we moved on to one of the Brickworks' many fine art galleries to take in some real culture.

Now, I've been to the Met. I've been to the Louvre. I saw the Mona Lisa - it's shit. Dozens of people standing around a pathetic portrait the size of a book cover going "Ooh look at her smile". WELL CHECK THIS OUT:


The Met. The Louvre. The NGA. THE BRICKWORKS.


This thing lit up AND played motorbike noises. You can't tell me they've got anything better than that in Paris.

Not convinced? Then maybe this will change your mind:


Any artwork that requires electricity has got to be good.


Why wouldn't you want this on your wall?


Oh. That's why.


If you're still in the market for a horse related artwork, but worry those ones look a bit too much like David Bowie, fear not. The Brickworks has a painting for you:


Well actually it's a tapestry, but I think you'll agree it's still haunting.


I almost bought this one, but then I got distracted by the stall next door offering a stunning array of high quality, Australian-made products, complete with helpful instructions:


DON'T TOO CRAZY!




Buy this and you too can simulate the true styles to make carefully.


With nationalistic pride swelling in our hearts, Raoul and I drew towards the all Aussie T shirt stand further down the aisle, where we examined shirts with witty slogans like these:


AUSSIE PRIDE.




Raoul got one, I got the other. We wear them to Chinatown every Saturday.


It's not just racist T shirts and shitty artwork up for sale at The Brickworks - you can also avail yourself of their fine on-site "European supermarket", which sells hard-to-find delicacies such as pickled Marco Polo gherkins:


So named because Marco Polo actually jarred them himself in 1321.


You can pick up heaps of bargains at the Euro-market - check out this tinned asparagus. Only 89 cents a can!


Hang on, didn't Bi-Lo go out of business in 2007?


Sadly we had to end our sojourn before getting to sample the delights of the Brickwords Beergarden, renowned for its chic clientele and top musical acts. But thanks to the wonders of the technological age, Raoul and I were able to relive the Brickworks Beergarden experience from the comfort of our living room as soon as we got home with this Youtube clip of Sold Out, a band seemingly made up of ex librarians whose name I think we can safely assume does not actually reflect the state of the audience at their gigs:


Still, there's always the ribs:


DELICIOUS, I TELL YOU.


ADDENDUM: We concluded our trip to the Brickworks with a big shop at their green grocer and Halal butcher, both of which were GENUINELY very good and actually well worth the trip. Highly recommended, both. Just avoid the gherkins.



13 comments :

  1. I don't think any other blogger does sarcasm quite as well as you, PetStarr. Many thanks for the lulz.

    This blog actually made me kind of hungry.

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  2. Hi, my sister El put me onto this - I love it!! I'm forwarding the link onto a bunch of folk.
    Cheers,
    Viv

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  3. Fantastic read - Brickworks Market is just the pinnacle for classy shopping.

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  4. great to have you back...!
    missed your clever insights
    hilarity to the max, ta!

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  5. Petstarr, you are clearly the woman in the know for the lowdown on the market scene. I await your next instalment. (I am hungry for ribs though)

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  6. Nice! I can see this turning into a series. You might want to hurry up and get to the Junction Markets before it finally gets put out of its misery, as well as the even classier Paddy's Market.

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  7. What a fantastic read... You should be doing the PR for the Brickworks!!!

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  8. All that entertaiment at no cost - bargain!

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  9. Gawd this was HILARIOUS. I have to go to this place some day, but it has a striking resemblance to some of the retail outlets I have seen in the Kuta Beach area of Bali...

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  10. Wow! I've never been to such a bogan place myself. Those Aussie pride shirts make me cringe. That "wall art" looked vile. Even Copperart wouldn't touch it.
    You'd be amazed at some of the tacky crap that is sold in Japan. I think you'd write a great travel trip about Japan if you came here.

    Miss Velvet

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  11. Laughing and laughing and getting the same cramp from laughing that I would get from eating Marco's pickles! ha!

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  12. Marco Polo explored the unfound world in a dress, rock on.

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