Sunday, September 05, 2010

A whole post dedicated to hot men on TV

Thomas Jefferson famously wrote in America's declaration of independence that all men are created equal – but I think that's only because television hadn't been invented yet. If it had, he would have flicked it on, seen Don Hany and realised that statement was patently untrue.

"Why yes, I would like to sleep with you Petra."

Memo to whoever at Channel 10 was responsible for casting Mr Hany in new drama Offspring – THE WOMEN OF AUSTRALIA THANK YOU. The man is a god. Have you noticed you're getting far more bookings for chocolate commercials in that timeslot now? Thought so.

To celebrate this masterstroke of casting, I thought I'd really annoy my boyfriend and put together my definitive list of sexy male TV personalites – beautiful blokes on the box, hunks in HD, studs on the small screen. You get the point.

Clearly we have to start with:


Don Hany is so hot, the sun needs protection from HIM.

With his dark features and permanently tousled hair Hany was utterly devastating as the swarthy muslim detective in SBS's East West 101, making it the only serious cop drama that went better with a packet of Tim Tams and the lights off. So to have him play a romantic lead in Offspring is the most exciting thing to happen to my television since I gave it a wipe last spring. Speaking of Offspring – what's it about? And who else is in it? I haven't really been paying attention when Don's not in shot. To be honest, who cares? Ten could just screen a Powerpoint slideshow of pictures of Hany for an hour every week and I would still tune in.


When Bear is in between laundry cycles, he just wears mud.

Regular readers will know that I have written about Mr Grylls before, in rather lustful tones. Well, how can one help it? He's buff, has a delightful British accent and can catch a rabbit with a piece of string and a twig. He's also fond of stripping off his shirt and doing push ups in dangerous locations, and he can build you a house out of some palm fronds and a bit of mud. What more could you want in a man? (Apart from a first name that doesn't sound like it was bestowed on him by boy scouts, but let's not get picky here).


Oh Jon, when you look at me that way I just want to... vote.

The absolute personification of the phrases “silver fox” and “thinking woman's crumpet”, the host of satirical US news program The Daily Show has a deadly combination of razor sharp wit and Hollywood good looks that has women swooning the world over. And he's made politics sexy - while mere mortals have to resort to flowers, chocolates and sweet words to win a girl over, Jon Stewart has women in palpitations just by discussing the American healthcare debate. Hot.


I went for whatever this job is. I didn't get it. THANKS, BALDY.

As the host of US comedy show The Soup, Mr McHale's main line of work is watching various chat, news and reality TV shows and taking the piss out of them every week. He's also thigh-slappingly handsome. I'd like to think he'd be the perfect cheap date – you'd get takeaway food, sit on the couch making jokes about Maury for three hours and then... well, I might leave my fantasy there, actually.


Don Draper even makes lung cancer look sexy.

I know he's not real – I don't care. And neither do millions of women around the world who have become captivated by the 1960s glamour of Mad Men. Actually it's probably a good thing Draper is fictional – I suspect a real life version of the hard drinking, chain smoking, womanising cad wouldn't be all that attractive in real life. But doesn't he look wonderful in those suits?


Yes, thanks.

I have been slightly obssessed with Mr Coren ever since 2008, when an expletive-laden email he sent to his sub editors at The Times newspaper was famously leaked to the press. A columnist and food critic, Coren had been outraged that a particular word had been removed from one of his articles, and had written a five page diatribe to complain about it. He is a grammar freak, a brilliantly funny writer, and more than likely a little bit nuts. He is also unbelievably dishy, as can be witnessed in comedy food documentary show on SBS, Supersizers Go... in which he and friend Sue Perkins roadtest a different decade in culinary history each week. My only hope is that they dedicate an episode to Neanderthal cooking, so he'll be forced to take his shirt off and live in a deerskin loincloth for a week.

This article was first published in the Adelaide Sunday Mail's TV Guide on September 5, 2010.

1 comment :

  1. I have just installed iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers get naked on my desktop.