Saturday, October 22, 2011

Worst doggy Halloween costumes ever

There can be no greater indicator of a country's financial prosperity than the existence of an entire industry geared towards making comical costumes for dogs.

Which is why after an afternoon spent at my local Halloween costume shop (yes, I have a local one of those), I know that everyone at the Occupy Wall Street protests is wasting their time and should basically just go home, chill out and dress their dogs up as pumpkins.

Or S&M fetish mistresses.

This "Doginatrix" getup (10 points for the pun, doggy costume guys!) was just one of dozens on sale at the Halloween Adventure Shop on 4th Avenue yesterday for $20 a piece.

Now I'm not saying you've got problems, but if you feel the need to make your dog look like a leather-clad sexual deviant you might want to spend a bit of time assessing what's important to you. (Although dogs do bite stuff and piss all over everything so maybe a dominatrix outfit is kind of appropriate). (Note to costume manufacturers: I think most dogs already HAVE collars).

Want Rover to look sexy but not THAT sexy? Try this:

This is the gayest dog costume I've ever seen.

Oh no, wait...

I stand corrected.

Maybe "cracked out rent boy" is more your thing?

"I'll give YOU a bone, blah blah whatever just gimme five bucks, OK? Don't make me beg."

Or maybe you're one of those people who's all like "I want my dog to look like they're INVOLVED in the sex industry, but not being exploited by it."

Have I got the costume for you:

Crack baggy not included.

You know, I think the thing that stands out in all of these photos is the look of total indignity in each dog's eyes. Either that, or it's the effects of the photographer's sedative wearing off.

"You, sir, should be ashamed of yourself."

That's actually not a costume, that's a production still from the long-awaited Wonder Woman film. Christina Hendricks looks great, doesn't she? (I've always heard people going on about that woman's "puppies" - NOW I FINALLY GET IT!)

Meanwhile, if you're going to dress your dog as a character from a movie like, say, Pirates of the Caribbean, don't cheap out and get the generic "Pirates of the Seven Seas" version that makes Scruffy look like a waitress at a medieval theatre restaurant.

"Is sire having the beef or the chicken tonight?"

And for god's sake, pick a movie that people actually LIKE.

Wow, Antonio Banderas has really let himself go...

You can't go wrong with Star Wars.

Actually it seems you can.

Yep, you definitely can.

Meanwhile, I have just discovered THIS is on tomorrow, so expect further doggy costume updates over the weekend.


  1. This is spot on - I don't get the fascination with dressing pets up for Halloween.

  2. is there such a thing as a good dog costume?

  3. Second try at posting.

    So, this:

    And here's a stack of pics from the weekend event you mentioned:

    Double whammy.

  4. Thanks Ashlee - I love !