Friday, November 04, 2011

Everything Bagels Cafe, 3rd Ave

How America is killing the earth, and a sort-of review of Everything Bagels Cafe.

Everything Bagels Cafe, 81 3rd Ave
AREA: Downtown

Cappuccino (Petra) - 1

What is the BCACB? Click here for an explanation.

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One of the great things about America is its almost total lack of environmental concern. Or should I say SEEMING lack, as it SEEMS people here generally value their own convenience and comfort above the good of the planet.

Buy one small item at the supermarket and it will automatically be handed to you in a plastic bag, possibly two - for strength. When plastic isn't available they'll give you a paper bag, again usually two. What's a few trees between friends?

Being from South Australia, where we have banned such sinful devices, this is such a luxury I actually felt guilty the first time I accepted a plastic bag. And then I realised how AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT IT IS and immediately started pretending I didn't know about all those choking dolphins.

There's more: order a meal at a diner and you'll likely receive an array of condiments in disposable, miniature plastic tubs on the side. They've got to wash the plates and cutlery anyway, so why not use reusable tubs too? It's a mystery that's never explained.

And then there's takeaway food orders which are always bagged up with plastic cutlery and thick wads of paper napkins thrown in by the handful, even if it's being delivered to your home where, presumably, you're not a hobo and therefore probably have some cutlery and napkins of your own.

Which brings me to Everything Bagel on 3rd Street, where I discovered why someone might actually need a stack of napkins as thick as a phone book - to mop up thin coffee.

Scientifically speaking, it's always amazed me how the viscosity of coffee is inversely proportional to its inherent spill factor. Ie: the thicker the coffee, the less likely it is to spurt out the top of your takeaway cup and injure you. This is why takeaway tea is always more likely to give you third degree burns than a latte.

And this is why I found myself using my three-inch-thick wad of crushed up trees to mop up the table, my chair and my leg after attempting to pop the top on my generously titled "cappuccino" at Everything Bagel on Tuesday.

So thin, you can almost read the other side of that advert through it.

This coffee was so thin, Lindsay Lohan got jealous.

Although this cup of sadness came out of what looked like an espresso machine I now realise I was mistaken. It was actually a machine of broken dreams, peddling tragedy to all who dared use it.

Pretty heavy. At least their bagel was excellent.


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