Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Zombify yourself in 5 easy steps

One of my all-time favourite films is Mike Judge's 1999 cult comedy Office Space.


I'm kidding, obviously.*

So I figured what better Halloween costume for me and Barilski than Chotchkies' waitress Joanna and perennial bad boss Bill Lumbergh - AS ZOMBIES! (And no, this isn't hypocritical - we live in America now, so we're allowed to join in.)

Anyway I think you'll agree our costumes ended up being totally righteous:

"BRAAAAINS! Also, I don't like talking about my flair."

"Mmmmm yeahhhhh, braiiiiiins, mmmkay?"

A grand total of two people recognised the Office Space reference, but we did get a lot of love for our zombie looks at the West Village Halloween Parade and can proudly say we are probably in at least 12 people's Facebook photo albums of the night. Score!

Anyway I found that doing realistic zombie makeup was easier than I thought. Either that, or I am supremely talented in ways I never knew. I'd like to believe the latter, but I think the former is probably more accurate.

Here's how you zombify yourself in five easy steps:

STEP ONE: Apply latex flesh wounds using spirit gum.

Stupid facial expression is optional.

STEP TWO: Using a 99 cent "grass green" lipstick that you can't understand was ever seriously manufactured, apply a sickly, jaundiced skin tone. Don't forget to rub some on your wounds to blend them in.

Again, dumb facials are optional at this point.

STEP THREE: Using black eyeliner, mascara and another 99 cent "steel grey" lipstick that was clearly only manufactured for techno drag queens and robot fetishists, give yourself some dead eye sockets and lips.

Dumb facial expressions will now start to seem slightly creepy.

STEP FOUR: Pick up your two remaining 99 cent lipsticks in horrible shades of green, wonder why they were only 99 cents for approximately 3/4 of a second, then dab them on your face to apply zombie "mould".

Sing with me now: It's beginning to look a lot like zombie...

STEP FIVE: Throw on a wig. Somehow, everything looks way more authentic with a cheap $10 wig on top.


OPTIONAL STEP SIX: Add some fake blood to your wounds. What do you mean, zombies are dead and therefore don't have blood? Shut up.

This one does.

*Not actually kidding.


  1. Damnnnn gurrl, you look cool!

  2. Oh my God. I can't look at this.