Thursday, December 01, 2011

New Year's Eve - when everything is impossible

There's a new Katherine Heigl film coming out in just over a week. That should be enough to get you to stay inside and keep your doors locked until Christmas, but if it isn't you should know that it also stars Ashton Kutcher, Lea Michele and Robert DeNiro. And as we all know, Bob doesn't do films like Taxi Driver and The Godfather anymore, he does shit like this:


I think it's safe to assume there was a "pussy" joke at some point here.


The film in question is called New Year's Eve, and it appears to be one of those piles of toss where five thousand celebrities get together as an "ensemble" cast to overact in 32 different plot lines that are ULTIMATELY ALL CONNECTED, OMG!

The tagline of the movie is "New Year's Eve: The one night anything is possible."


LOOK AT THAT STELLAR CAST! Wait, who are half of those people...?


Having lived through 30 new year's eves myself, I feel confident in saying this is the laziest and least accurate movie tagline ever. And that includes the one for Yogi Bear 3D which read "Great things come in bears".


Many "plushie" fetishists were disappointed by Yogi Bear 3D after seeing this poster.


In fact, NYE is the one night of the year where many ordinarily possible things actually become IMpossible. To wit:

ON NEW YEAR'S EVE IT IS ACTUALLY NOT POSSIBLE TO:

1. Get a cab at any point, from anywhere, to anywhere else, especially at 3am when you're totally rat-arsed.

2. Pay less than $10 for a drink.

3. Pash a stranger you won't regret touching in the morning.

4. Not lose half your group at the first club you visit.

5. Avoid an inappropriate touch, comment or something spilled on you by someone called Daz, Gaz, Shaz or Wayno.

6. Not feel a vague sense of disappointment no matter what you actually end up doing.


Any other suggestions? Leave 'em in the comments.



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