RuPaul's Drag Race season 9 recaps

The shadiest Drag Race recaps on the web. Get ready to death drop, queens!

The Bachelorette Australia recaps

One woman, 14 desperate men, mucho LOLs. Oh, and Osher Gunsberg.

The Bachelor Australia recaps

Sequins, spray tans and sex - it's season 3 of the world's stupidest dating show.

RuPaul's Drag Race Season 8 recaps

YASS, HUNTIES! Every episode of season eight recapped for your reading pleasure. Let's get sickening!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

The Bachelor episode recap: S16 FINALE

Well, here we are. It's been 11 long weeks of teary arguments, spray tans, awkward lip-smashing and alcoholic binges and, as with any party that's gone on too long, we now have to decide who to go home with and bang at 4am.

It's The Benchelor's last chance to make a decision between his final two ladies: Lindzi, the one who constantly reminds everyone how much she loves horses, and Courtney, the one who everyone but Ben hates.

"But they're BOTH so incredible..."

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Totally unreal reality shows

Gather round children, it's time to hear a story about the good old days of television. No, wait! Come back! It doesn't involve Graham Kennedy, I promise.

Way back at the start of the millennium (yes - a whole 12 years ago), a new crop of shows like Survivor, American Idol and Big Brother spearheaded a brand new genre the media generously titled “reality television”.

These first reality shows were slick, glossy, big budget affairs – a single episode of Survivor, lovingly shot on film stock, cost just under $1 million to make. They were exciting and cool and different, and we couldn't get enough.

Looking at TV schedules now it's hard to believe how high quality reality shows used to be.

Over the last decade the genre has grown and mutated like pig flu, infecting programming schedules everywhere with so much cheaply made crud you can barely change channels without accidentally glimpsing a Kardashian. Shudder.

I was reminded of this sad truth when I discovered the following shows listed in an online American TV guide and thought I had accidentally clicked onto a satirical news website.

I swear the following shows are real, and I haven't made any of them up.

  • Hillbilly Handfishin'

    Two Oklahoma fishermen teach city slickers how to “noodle” - catching catfish by sticking your hand in a mud hole and waiting for one to bite you. It's basically an hour a week of blokes standing in a muddy river saying “Ow”.

  • American Stuffers

    Bereaved pet owners have their ex-friends stuffed by an Arkansas taxidermist, often to sad music.

  • Pit Boss

    The weekly exploits of a team of dwarves that rescue and rehabilitate pit bull terriers. Yes, DWARVES.

  • Pit Bulls and Parolees

    More pit bull rescuing, this time by a team of ex crims. I guess this show was created to satisfy the huge viewing demographic that likes pit bulls but not dwarves.

  • Tanked

    Brothers-in-law Brett and Wade take you on a high-octane journey through the gripping world of aquarium manufacture! Yes, really.

  • Finding Bigfoot

    Four weirdos tramp across America armed with night vision goggles and hotdog franks (I'm really not kidding) in search of the mythical yeti, seemingly unaware the entire country is laughing at them.

  • Bromance

    Nine blokes reach previously unknown levels of douchery by putting themselves through embarrassing weekly challenges to become “best friends” with Brody Jenner, some guy who was on some other reality TV show you never watched.

Clearly reality TV is so out of fresh ideas and has cannibalised itself so much there's only one thing left to do: Put Brody Jenner in an aquarium with a few pitbulls and some stuffed dwarves and film it all in nightvision. They'd probably still screen it on 7mate.


This article was first published in the Adelaide Sunday Mail's TV Guide on March 11, 2012.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

America discovers Oz's tasty pastry

Kony 2012 spread round the globe in a day, but it's taken the Aussie meat pie more than two centuries to get to America.

Hey Adelaide, guess what the latest big thing is in New York. You'll never guess. OK, I'll give you a hint – you guys have known about it for ages. YONKS. I mean seriously, more than a century.

You can eat it. It's good with sauce. South Aussies like it on a plate covered in pea soup. It rhymes with “my”, as in “oh my god, I can't believe Americans have never heard of this before”.

Yes, I'm talking about the humble meat pie.

Not so humble anymore, actually. Since Sydney chain Pie Face opened here in January, the snack has been breathlessly written up in local media and even scored a spot on David Letterman's Late Show.

Meat pies - or as they've been oddly described here, “hand-held pot pies” - are a complete novelty to Americans who are more used to the fruit-filled dessert version.

“Pot pies” - a dish of stew covered with a sheet of puff – are popular, but for some reason no one ever thought to do away with the pot and make the whole thing out of pastry. Given that 99.9 per cent of things are improved by the addition of more pastry, I would have thought that was a no-brainer, but there you go.

For the record, Letterman loved his pie, not to mention the bizarre chocolate-dipped, coconut covered Aussie sponge cake he got as a bonus treat.

Pies and lamingtons aren't the only Aussie foods to have caught on here. Last month a local TV news channel reported on the newest cafe trend to hit Brooklyn - the “babycino”, while New York bible Time Out magazine ran an excited article about the “flat white” which it described as “Australia's answer to the latte”. Pfft. We have lattes TOO, actually, New York. (Another article about the trend appeared in New York magazine)

This is a revolutionary concept in New York.

(As a side note, I can attest that the flat white fad is definitely still in its infancy – ask for a “white coffee” in this city and at best you'll get a blank look. At worst, people will think you're being weirdly racist.)

I'm fascinated by this celebration of what, to me, are fairly mundane foods because it proves what a geographically-specific experience eating is.

Thanks to the internet you can see the latest fashions in Paris from a backyard in Beachport.

You can watch a trailer for the newest Hollywood blockbuster from a living room in Loxton, and download the hottest new UK band from a pub in Penola.

But until teleportation is invented, the only way people can truly be exposed to new and different foods without actually travelling is if immigrants physically bring them across the border.

The good thing about this is it's one small barrier to the world becoming a big, boring, homogenised society.

The downside is that you can't get a Cuban sandwich in Adelaide. And believe me, Adelaide, you want that sandwich. Maybe I'll bring it back with me.


This article was first published in the City Messenger and Eastern Courier on March 8, 2012.

Friday, March 09, 2012

The Bachelor episode recap: S16 E10

It's the episode you've all been waiting for - The Bachelor Reunion "Women Tell All" special, also known as the "Women Slag Off Courtney for an Hour and a Half" episode and the "Everyone Gets Their Tits Out and Wears Extra Fake Tan" episode, but more importantly known as the episode in which CHRIS HARRISON IS ON SCREEN FOR THE ENTIRE SHOW.

Harrison gets a warm hand on his entrance.