Tuesday, May 22, 2012

How does your lady garden grow?

Hey ladies, want to help me write an article? Tell me about what's in your pants.

Contrary to what some might think, I'm not generally interested in the contents of ladies' pants. (I guess it's the short hair and glasses that lead some people to believe I might be, but that's another story for another day).

 However I AM interested in the fashion trends dictating what women do with their "second hairdo" and what (if any) implications they have for feminism, society and the ultimate downfall of civilisation. So in the interests of research, I'd like you ladies to tell me:

How do you tame your bikini line? Traditional bikini wax/shave (sides off), Brazilian (all off), "runway" (all off but for a patch on the front), or do you let it grow wild and free? Do you dye it? Shave it into fancy patterns? Vajazzle? Or do you do something else entirely? TELL ME ALL!

You can leave your answer in the comments below (yes, you can be anonymous) but PLEASE LEAVE YOUR AGE, and what general part of the world you're in. Also if you want to share any bikini-related stories, or elaborate on why you wax/shave/grow the way you do, or what you think about certain hair "trends", please feel free.

Tina chose not to wax at all, opting to cover her minge with her left hand at all times.


  1. Age 37

    I leave a little in the middle.

  2. Thanks anonymous! Have you ever experimented with other 'dos?

  3. Age 35

    Trim and shave sides
    Have gone the Brazilian once or twice in the past.

  4. Thanks anonymous 2! Care to elaborate on why you decided to get a Brazilian, and perhaps why you haven't done it since?

  5. First foray it the world of the Brazilian was maintenance gone awry. I was working in a very public work space and spent almost an entire week preoccupied with seeking discreet opportunities to relieve the constant itch. Once the hair began to regrow it presented a whole new challenge, how to go about your business with out jabbing your self in this sensitive area with your own porcupine quills. Try speaking to customers and not hit a high 'c'. It brings a tear to the eye that's for sure.
    Subsequent attempts where akin to the experience of childbirth. Women are hard wired to erase all memory of pain and discomfort, and have another go.

  6. 38 and living in southern California. I do absolutely nothing, and I am continually and naively shocked to learn of the things women voluntarily do to themselves. I tend to give the middle finger to any grooming ritual that is 1) potentially painful, 2) time-consuming, and 3) culturally expected of women but not of men. Screw it. Anyone who's going to see that part of me had better like me well enough not to call it off because I haven't created a suitable topiary.

    Now, more importantly, are you recapping 'The Bachelorette" this time around? And if not, why the hell am I watching it? :)

  7. I'm 30 and live in Australia. Right now I just clean up the top and sides with a razor, but other than that just leave it pretty natural. In my early 20's however (20-22), I used to shave it all off, I think because I thought that my boyfriend would prefer it (his ex had been a baldy). He was my first boyfriend and knowing that he found it sexy gave me more confidence and I needed this at the time as I was pretty inexperienced.
    Interestingly, my girlfriends were all really judgmental about it when I told them and even said things like 'ew, that means he likes little girls!' and how gross it was to have no hair. I don't think it was the norm back then. These same friends have now either have had all of their pubic hair permanently removed by laser or get regular brazilians, and profess to feel 'gross' when they DO have hair! They now find it equally weird that I have never had a wax in my life and regularly urge me to see their waxer/laser person. It seems a pretty dramatic shift in 10 years!

    I think a lot of women feel pressure from guys these days to conform to the porn ideal - smooth and pink. A young friend in her early 20's was shocked when I told her that I didn't wax, saying that it was expected and her boyfriend demanded her to have brazilians. I honestly feel sorry for girls today who are being conditioned to think this is required. I blame the internet and I blame porn!

    On a related topic, you might find this interesting:

  8. Age 50-60 pick a # in between
    This is a sad secret yet will share anonymously so others may learn from my mistakes. I have had a hugely close relationship with my bush since becoming addicted to splitting the split ends in my primary do as a teenager. I noticed I also had split ends on my lady garden which was lush thick curly soft and dark blonde. If the light was right I would prefer to split those babies than be with the gang getting stoned and having fun. Later, in my 20s as my love life became complicated, I would lie anxiously in bed at night ... pulling out the hair one by one, feeling it's texture and thickness like getting to know a friend before ripping it out. Some do pimples, I did pubes. By my mid 30s I had permanent balding areas and had lost the vigorous abundance for ever. There were no more split ends, and I didn't have the keen eyesight any more to seek them out, even if they were there. The fortune of fashion swung my way and less became more. In my 40s I used a depilatory cream to render myself as smooth as car duco, not a single hair. Never had the itching problem, but maybe I was desensitised? (haha no 'z', see Australian!) Around this time I told I was with a group of girlfriends at a pub and we were discussing our lady gardens. One of us was 60 at the time and described the technique of her Taiwanese Defoliator. I felt lame for using Nair... One girl in her late 40's was shocked there was hairlessness amongst us and (being an axious plucker, we had already shared our eyebrow maniae) reported with jubilance a few weeks later that she had Hand Plucked her entire shrub! Myself, I was overwhelmed at how long this would take... this was a thickly dark haired girl. Set me thinking though. As my traumatic love life led to more hand hair pulling to sooth myself to sleep, I could see the trees. The forest was a thing of the past. Plucking was doable. I am left now with not much hair at all. I pluck on the toilet with a magnifying mirror and self loath. I bemoan destroying the pride of botanica that was once mine, that is now gone for ever. I live with regret and the conseqences of my chosen OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). It is not a good look on an ageing overweight woman.

  9. 25, Australian
    I wax, used to leave a strip and now get rid of it all. I'm not very good with maintenance though. I tend to remember to wax only when my upper thighs might be on show.

  10. 39, Australia - I've been getting Brazilian waxing done for the past 5 years. I used to leave it as my boyfriend at the time didn't like the bald look, but I hated it even though I'm fair and wasn't particularly hairy. I just feel much cleaner with no hair down there, particularly in summer.

  11. 28, Australia

    Over the last 10 or so years, I've done it all! Au natural, shaved (all off vs. a strip), trimmed all over, waxed (brazilian). Up until about 6 mths ago I was waxing (full brazilian) but would get alot of ingrown hairs, which is never a good look.
    Have now changed to IPL brazilian and this really suits my lifestyle and I much prefer being hairless. Am also getting my underarms IPL'd.
    It is my personal preference, but I am also a bisexual woman engaged in the 'swinging scene'. It's unusual to encounter a woman with hair on her ladyparts these days within the circles I move.

  12. I trim and shave when lazy and wax if I want to make it smooth and soft just like a baby.