Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Alternative Emmys - my picks

Forget Best Actor and Best Drama - these Emmy Award category suggestions are way more fun.

Can you hear that distant whooshing sound?

No, it's not a wormhole into a parallel universe opening up in your backyard (although you should probably check anyway, now that I think about it). It's the inhabitants of TV Land taking a collective breath and holding it in anticipation of the Primetime Emmy nominations, set to be announced in Hollywood on July 19.

People say the Emmys are like television's equivalent of the Oscars, but I think they're  more like the Golden Globes in that no one really takes them seriously and no one who actually votes in them seems to know what a comedy is. Also, Mad Men always wins everything.

There aren't likely to be many surprises this year. Tina Fey will get something, Big Bang Theory will probably pop up somewhere, as will Homeland, and everyone will continue pretending Modern Family is still funny.

So I've come up with a list of alternative awards I'd like to see given out instead.

UNLIKELIEST SEX SYMBOL: Peter Dinklage in Game of Thrones

Tall, dark and handsome might be the norm for on-screen hunks, but as acid-tongued dwarf Tyrion Lannister Dinklage has proven short, blonde and a bit rough around the edges works just as well. He may be no taller than a mailbox but women everywhere have fallen for his sharp wit and steamy bedroom antics in this medieval fantasy drama.



ACTOR MOST LIKELY TO INSPIRE CONFLICTING EMOTIONS IN FEMALE VIEWERS: Aaron Paul in Breaking Bad.

As Jesse Pinkman, the beleaguered young assistant to New Mexico drug kingpin Walter White, Paul manages to fall somewhere between being the bad dude you were too afraid to date in your 20s and the broken little boy you wish you could fix.

One minute you're swooning over his handsome, tough exterior, then the next you want to give him a cuddle and a cup of hot Milo and tell him everything will be alright. And then you remember that he's a methamphetamine manufacturer who's murdered people, and you sort of want him to be locked up. Confusing.

LEAST NECESSARY REALITY SHOW: Snooki and JWoww.

A hotly contested category – Bristol Palin: Life's a Tripp came a close second – but this Jersey Shore spin off was doomed as soon as Snooki announced she was pregnant. With partying, boozing and random hookups off the menu, just what are viewers supposed to tune in for? The sparkling repartee?





MOST AWKWARD SEX SCENE: Louis C.K in Louie

It's difficult to go past actress/writer/director Lena Dunham, whose portrayal of 20-something intimacy in HBO series Girls has to be watched through slotted fingers. But her fumbling pales in comparison to comedian C.K's hilariously cringe-making attempt at seduction in his own sitcom, Louie. In episode two, when his bedroom role-playing causes his lover to cry about her father, it's nothing short of disturbing.

THE HIS 'N' HERS AWARD FOR SERVICES TO INTIMATE RELATIONS: True Blood

Abs. Boobs. Bums. Legs. Pashing. Neck sucking. And, er... well, you get the drift. This sexy vampire horror-comedy has enough flesh in enough permutations to get virtually anyone's blood pumping.











THE GOOGLE AWARD FOR WEIRDEST SEARCH ENGINE PHRASE INSPIRED BY A SHOW: Mad Men 

Three words: “zous bisous bisous”. Or is that “zoobie zoobie zoo”? Or “zu bizu bizu”...?





What award categories would you like to see at this year's Emmys?

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This article was first published in the Adelaide Sunday Mail's TV Guide on June 30, 2012.



1 comment :

  1. HEll yes to Peter Dinky Dinklage for sex symbol

    ReplyDelete