Thursday, August 14, 2014

The Daters recap - Episode 11: The Girls, One Month On

In episode nine we got to see how the boys were coping one month in to this dating experiment. Now it's the girls' turn to share their insights.

This shouldn't take long.


"Until this show I've never really sat down with guy friends and talked about what they think about dating, it's totally mind blowing," Courteney says.

"It's not what you think they'd be thinking. Like, they actually don't think about it that much."

Some don't even think about dating when they're on one.


"I really dislike dating, I don't really want to do it anymore, I'm just kind of over it," says Anna, which is great because she's currently starring on a reality TV show called The Daters which revolves around her going on dates.

Come to think of it though, has Anna even been on a date since this show started? I just had to go back through all my past recaps to try and remember, because I feel like she's barely done anything except update her Tinder profile in episode four.

Wait on. IS ANNA THE NEW COURTENEY?

"Does this mean I only have to be in one out of every eight episodes now? Sweet."


"Sucked in."

It seems Sooz isn't exactly loving being on the show either.

"Trying to find a date and it consuming you for all this time, just taking up all of your brainpower trying to find a date is EXHAUSTING," she wails, while demonstrating her special ability to pull 75 faces in the space of three seconds.

With a talent like this, it's a mystery why Sooz is finding dating so difficult.

"Sooz and Anna have become like the older sisters I never had," says Courteney, as the three of them hit up a photo booth to take a commemorative snapshot of their friendship.

And doesn't Sooz look great in these shots? Happy times, guys.

Then they eat some dinner, and say some things about how they're all great friends, and how dating is hard and whatever, and then this happens because this is The Daters and this has to happen at least once every episode:

The Daters: the only show on TV that comes with its own drinking game.

"It's been a month since we've all been on Tinder, how's it going?" asks Sooz, finally getting to the point.

"I'm not a fan. Every guy I've met has been nothing like their profile," says Courteney.

Yeah, people really can misrepresent themselves online...

"They're only ever after hook ups," she sighs.

Anna, meanwhile, is having the opposite problem.

"You have a conversation and you have a conversation, but they never actually ask you out. It's like, how long do we actually talk to each other for?" she wails.

"Yeah that's really nice you think I'm pretty - can we just hook up already?"

Sooz also hates Tinder, after a bloke she met on there stood her up at the pub.

Given everyone on this show hates Tinder so much it begs the question: why do we keep dedicating episodes to it? It's like The Bolt Report doing a weekly tribute to Q and A.

But then comes the answer: Sooz has used it to find a bloke called Jack, who is apparently all of her hopes and dreams wrapped up in a sex bomb suit, and she's now officially off the market.

(Which, again, does not necessarily bode well for a show called "The Daters", but anyway.)

In any case we already know all of this, as Sooz went on that date with Jack in episode five, after which she got sick and didn't see him for months.

"It started out as being the flu, and then it turned into a whole host of other things and then it ended up with me being in hospital," she says.

Sooz during her illness.

Meanwhile, in case you were wondering whether Courteney was going to go out on a second date with the bloke from the go karts - she's not.

"I don't want to go for the same type of guy every time, because I think I'm attracted to dickheads," she says.

So at least go kart bloke can rest easy in the knowledge that he's probably not a dickhead.

Over to Anna, who is considering the possibility of remaining single forever.

"I joke around with my best friend that one day we'll be old and married together with 50 cats, and I do not want to do that," she says.

"You're god damn right you don't."

She's been on dates, she says, but none have really panned out that well, even the bloke she went out with recently who was "such a gentleman".

"After the date he sent to my work a single red rose and a teddy bear - and he wrote a poem," she says.

Firstly: Stalker.

Secondly: OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE READ THE POEM OUT OH PLEASE.

"To Anna," she starts.

YESSSSSS!!!

"This rose is so red, and your eyes are so blue, you light up the world like the sun and the moon..."

Dude, that doesn't even rhyme.

"Eyes that sparkle in glorious shades of azure, in them I can swim all my life I am sure," she reads, which is not only a completely mangled sentence but the rhyme only works if you mispronounce "azure".

So pretty much this entire poem is killing me.

Anna starts to cry, which is really the only sensible reaction to such a hideous misappropriation of the English language.

"It was thoughtful but... it was just... a little too much after one date," she says.

You think?

Meanwhile, the next day:

"I KNOW YOU LIKE ROSES SO I DECORATED YOUR BEDROOM FOR YOU."

Now go on and READ EPISODE 12 when Sooz goes on her second date with Jack, so we can all finally stop hearing about her illness. Maybe. (Hint: we won't.)

Or go back and READ EPISODE 10 again.



1 comment :

  1. I soooo look forward to Bland Canyon the Daters recap. Lovin' it ;-)

    ReplyDelete