Thursday, August 21, 2014

The Daters recap - Episode 13: Anna Meets Gumby

"How many frogs do you have to kiss to find someone who's even worth talking to?" cries Anna in the opening of this week's episode.

Frogs or Gumbies. Either or.

But more of that later.


We start with Anna talking about her ex boyfriend, an American musician she met on his Australian tour two years ago. She doesn't mention what band he was in, but for comedy purposes I'm going to assume they look like this:

Well, at least they're comfortable.

Or this:

It's Sonic the Hedgehog's emo half-brother.

Or this:

Admit it: you would.

Whoever he is, he's clearly broken up with someone because after two years of no contact he's gone through his phone address book, seen Anna's name and gone "why not?".

"He messaged me a couple of days ago asking for me to come to America, and he has then just decided today that he is going to pay for me to come over," Anna says.

Because she is young and gorgeous and fancy free she says yes and books her flights.

Then, because she is so excited about flying overseas for a sexy rendezvous with her famous musician lover, she pashes a bloke in a Gumby costume.

"I wouldn't normally meet someone that I dig in a club, but he was wearing a Gumby costume so I think I probably went for that," she says.

Well, why wouldn't you?

"I'd had a little bit to drink," she says.

YOU DON'T SAY.

What follows is basically a 1970s-tinged fever dream in which Anna describes going home with this bloke and waking up his couch, wrapped in a Gumby costume.

Things got bad for Gumby after his show was cancelled in 1992.

This is clearly a sign of true love, and Anna is infatuated. It seems Gumby is too.

"Things are going really well with Gumby. We had a really romantic date the other night," she says.

"Hey baby, you want to eat some greens with that?"

He goes star gazing with her, and asks her to a barbecue to meet his friends, and even sings her romantic songs.

"You're horny, let's do it, ride, my Pokey..."

But then - DISASTER STRIKES.

"Gumby went through my phone and saw my messages, and saw that I'd been messaging other people. I've fucked everything up," Anna weeps.

"He doesn't like the idea that I'm going to be on TV, he doesn't like the idea that I'm sharing this right now, and he can't see me while I'm doing this show," she continues, tears streaming down her face.

Just to recap: some guy Anna has known for a week WHO DRESSES UP AS GUMBY takes it upon himself to GO THROUGH HER PHONE and READ HER MESSAGES and then starts whingeing about her life and she still thinks she's the one who screwed things up.

This.

Clearly Gumby is a controlling jerk, so it's good to hear in the next scene that she's dumped him. Except she's also cancelled her trip to America, because she'd been hoping for some Gumby rumpy pumpy which is now off the menu.

"Oh well. I'll be heartbroken for a couple of days, and then get back on it," Anna says.

Translation: Dating sucks.

Now go on and READ EPISODE 14, or go back in time and READ EPISODE 12 again.



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