RuPaul's Drag Race season 9 recaps

The shadiest Drag Race recaps on the web. Get ready to death drop, queens!

The Bachelorette Australia recaps

One woman, 14 desperate men, mucho LOLs. Oh, and Osher Gunsberg.

The Bachelor Australia recaps

Sequins, spray tans and sex - it's season 3 of the world's stupidest dating show.

RuPaul's Drag Race Season 8 recaps

YASS, HUNTIES! Every episode of season eight recapped for your reading pleasure. Let's get sickening!

Sunday, November 01, 2015

The Bachelorette Australia Episode Recap: Season 1, FINALE

You know how in The Bachelor season one they went to Thailand for the big finale episode?

And in season two they went to South Africa?

And in season three they... well, let's maybe forget season three.

But here we are at the finale of The Bachelorette and the tradition of exotic locations has continued because here Sam is in....

The Bachelorette Australia Episode Recap: Season 1, Episode 9

So I'm back from my fabulous beach holiday and, as some of you may have guessed from the relative silence around here in the last week, I had sort of planned to slip into the shadows and not actually finish this nonsense. But then a bunch of you were like "Awwww" and I started to feel guilty...

So for all three of you who still care about this shit: here we go...

Saturday, October 17, 2015

The Bachelorette Australia Episode Recap: Season 1, Episode 8

Right, here's the deal. I have to catch a plane to Queensland in approximately 14 hours where I intend to lie on a beach for one whole week straight and drink lots of champagne and quite probably some margaritas and also not touch a computer at all, which basically means I need to get this recap done fast, right now.

The Bachelorette Australia Episode Recap: Season 1, Episode 7

We rejoin our final five in the beautifully astro-turfed garden of the Dude Ranch where Sasha and Dave are punching each other, Alex and Michael are sitting on their big balls, and Richie is standing silently wondering how Dave is still here.

Monday, October 12, 2015

The Bachelorette Australia Episode Recap: Season 1, Episode Six

First off I would like to apologise for the quality of the images in this recap. Not only because several of them contain Osher Gunsberg, but because they are generally pixelated and crap.

For this, I choose to blame the god of the internet.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

The Bachelorette Australia Episode Recap: Season 1, Episode 5

We rejoin our blokes in the Shag Mansion rumpus room, where everyone is having a totally spontaneous and unscripted conversation about who might be getting the next date with Sam.

Monday, October 05, 2015

The Bachelorette Australia Episode Recap: Season 1, Episode 4

We rejoin our bachelors on the patio of the Dude Ranch, where they're all busy practising their acts for the evening's inaugural Bachelorette Talent Contest:

Saturday, October 03, 2015

The Bachelorette Australia Episode Recap: Season 1, Episode 3

Day three at the Bro Bungalow, and now that David the international model has gone all the blokes are staging a mini Olympics to determine who is the alpha.

Sunday, September 27, 2015

The Bachelorette Australia Episode Recap: Season 1, Episode 2

We begin episode two at the end of a jetty, where bachelorette Sam is going over the men she met at last night's cocktail party and is considering jumping off.

Friday, September 25, 2015

The Bachelorette Australia Episode Recap: Season 1, Episode 1

So there I was, recovering in the emergency room after a vodka shot induced near-death-experience from recapping the season finale of The Bachelor Australia, when it came on the TV:

Sigh.

Yes, it appears that after three years Australians have finally decided they quite enjoy watching desperate singles fight each other for flowers on the telly, so now we have The Bachelorette - just like the The Bachelor, but more predatory.

Monday, September 21, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 16 FINALE

It's finally arrived, the grand conclusion to this nationally televised eight week desperation festival SO WE CAN FINALLY FORGET IT AND GET ON WITH OUR LIVES.

Over the last 15 episodes we've seen more more saliva spread around than at a stutterers' public speaking convention, more cheese cut than at a Mexican food festival, and more roses flung about than that time that florist was attacked by wasps in her delivery truck.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 15

This episode begins on the edge of a cliff where, having just said goodbye to the only bachelorette with a personality, Sam is considering throwing himself into the ocean.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 14

Well, this is it people. After 13 episodes, approximately 3700 litres of champagne, 270 packets of brie and two promotional gifts from Zamels we've arrived at the final four.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 13

We rejoin our bachelorettes in the Shag Mansion's sunroom of doom, where they're all discussing the long and arduous journey they've all endured to get to the final five.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 12

After spending the weekend on a diet of dry toast, water and immodium Bachelor Sam has recovered from that rose ceremony and is back on form. How do we know?

He's on a boat. Again.

Wednesday, September 09, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 11

We rejoin our bachelorettes in the Shag Mansion's Laura-Ashley-decorated waiting room of the damned where everyone is pretending to be upset about Hey Bro! getting the arse last week by making various sad noises.

"It was horrible saying goodbye to her," says Nina.

"I mean for one thing it was super confusing. Like, 'Goodbye, Hey Bro!' just doesn't make sense."

Tuesday, September 01, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 10

We kick things off in the rumpus room of the Shag Mansion where all the bachelorettes are lounging around in Dotti's new casual separates range discussing Nietzsche's theory of the Ubermensch.

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 9

It's late night after the cocktail party, and everyone is sitting around in their customary "bedtime makeup" mourning the recent eviction of... er... what was her name again? You know the one. Blonde. Never said anything.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 8

We rejoin Sam out in the field, literally, where he is meeting two potential new recruits to the Shag Mansion:

"Hey, why the long faces?"

Having not had a ride in weeks he's pretty keen, but ultimately decides against the idea after he tries to give them both a rose, and they eat them.

Friday, August 21, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 7

After the shock of last week's cocktail party walkout by Jacinda, the remaining nine bachelorettes are all coping with their grief by doing advanced maths in the sunroom.

"Each room has three girls in it now," says one.

"And it had eight," pipes up another.

Nina gets out a whiteboard and some textas...
...and 20 minutes later they agree that 15 girls have left overall.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 6

After the last episode in which Sam admitted to being scared of heights it's clear the producers want to try and butch him up a bit, so tonight's festivities start with him doing push ups:

Sadly he appears to be doing it in some sort of bondage sling, so I'm not sure it generates the effect they really wanted.

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 5

With the Shag Mansion now happily anal gland-free for the best part of a week, the bachelorettes are starting to feel a bit more relaxed; this week's episode opens with all of them lying around in Lorna Jane practicing their resting bitch faces.

Cha-Cha's is actually more like "smelled a fart" face, but with a little more tuition from Emily she'll get there.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

The Bachelor Australia episode recap: Season 3, Episode 4

We begin episode four on the verandah at the Shag Mansion where Heather has gone all artistic, sitting cross legged with a notebook and pen, buried in thought.

Sunday, August 09, 2015

The Bachelor Australia episode recap: Season 3, Episode 3

We rejoin Bachelor Sam on the balcony of his love prison overlooking Sydney Harbour, where he is thinking about the three girls he boned the night before. ("Boned" in the Eddie McGuire sense, obviously. We don't get to any actual boning until the "fantasy suites" episode, everybody knows that.)

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

The Bachelor Australia episode recap: Season 3, Episode 2

We begin tonight's episode in the breakfast nook of the Shag Mansion, where everybody is trying to shake off their hangovers from last night's party by chillaxing in a really unaffected, natural way in neutral-coloured casual separates.

Monday, August 03, 2015

The Bachelor Australia episode recap: Season 3, Episode 1

My god, has it really been a whole year since the last season of The Bachelor Australia, when the Blakebot 3000 pissed off the whole of Australia by... er... hmm. What did he do again? He chose one blonde over another blonde, or something. Or he told someone he loved them and then decided that actually he really loved Weetbix.

Monday, June 08, 2015

RuPaul's Drag Race Episode Recap: Season 7, Grand Finale

Rub yourself with glue stick and roll around in sequins until you cough up a glitterball because it's finally here, hunties - drag's night of nights! The party to end all parties! It's the DRAG RACE SEASON SEVEN GRAND FINALE!

Saturday, May 30, 2015

RuPaul's Drag Race Episode Recap: Season 7, Episode 12

With just four queens left we're certainly at the pointy end of the competition now, kids!

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

RuPaul's Drag Race Episode Recap: Season 7, Episode 11

Yes, yes, yes, I know: it's a full week after episode 11 aired and I'm only just posting this recap now. I KNOW. But it took me that long to get over the fact that...

Well.

You'll see.

Monday, May 11, 2015

RuPaul's Drag Race Episode Recap: Season 7, Episode 10

So firstly, a quick Rupaulogy for the unbearable lateness of this week's recap. I could tell you the whole story about the drama that happened this week, but as it doesn't involve meeting Max or Violet or being abducted by a Drag Mothership piloted by Sharon Needles it's probably not very interesting, so in the words of our lord and saviour Alyssa Edwards:

Let's all endeavour to do this today.

Sunday, May 03, 2015

RuPaul's Drag Race Episode Recap: Season 7, Episode 9

So there they all are in the Werq Room, post elimination, and everyone is so upset about Jaidynn being sent home - mostly because they'll probably never get to bathe in the glory of that wonderful bedazzled bra top ever again...

Saturday, May 02, 2015

THIS IS A BIG DEAL PART 2

So... This just happened.

Yes, my episode recap will be extremely late.

Friday, May 01, 2015

THIS IS A BIG DEAL

I know I'm supposed to be putting up my episode 9 recap but... THIS IS KIND OF A BIG DEAL, YOU GUYS.

I met Max today while out shopping in the city!

MAX.

Regular readers will know this is somewhat exciting for me.

He was perfectly gorgeous, utterly charming and all kinds of fabulous and I was totally thrilled.

So anyway, this week's recap is going to be late. Again. But ut it's not like you're not used to that so stop your whingeing. I MET MAX, MOTHER FATHERS!

Friday, April 24, 2015

RuPaul's Drag Race Episode Recap: Season 7, Episode 8

We begin this week's episode in the Werq Room where everyone is dealing with the loss of Max at last week's runway.

Friday, April 17, 2015

RuPaul's Drag Race Episode Recap: Season 7, Episode 7

Finally, it's here. After six long weeks of boring theatrical challenges, boring musical challenges, absolutely zero photo shoots or dressmaking challenges and a metric pantsload of underwear promotion, we have finally arrived at the only episode worth watching every season: THE SNATCH GAME.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

RuPaul's Drag Race Episode Recap: Season 7, Episode 6

So here we are at RuPaul's Drag Race Episode Six, otherwise known as "The Episode With The Snatch Game PSYCH Just Kidding It's Just Another Dumb Group Acting Challenge".

Thursday, April 02, 2015

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: Season 7, Episode 5

It's episode five on RuPaul's Drag Race, and everyone is totally over Trixie Mattel's completely fair and not 100 per cent nonsensical elimination last week.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: Season 7, Episode 4

Just for something radical and different we begin this episode in the Werq Room (wow!) where all the queens are pretending to care that Jasmine Masters is no longer there.

At least they won't be forced to drink this anymore.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: Season 7, Episode 3

As usual we begin this week's episode in the Werq Room where everyone is mourning the loss of... wait, what was her name? The one who was kicked out last week. You know who I mean! The one with the... thing. Dammit, Holy Six Pack - you know who I mean!

Well, anyway. Her.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: Season 7, Episode 2

This week's episode begins in the Werq Room, where everyone is really sad about Tempest DuJour's elimination last week.

Well OK, not everyone.